Can a person with dementia deliberately create drama to get attention?

Louise4
With my mom (stage 6 dementia) every evening it was "someone has stolen my money!!! or "you stole my money" This money she's referring to is a sock with money in it that she constantly hides in different places and then forgets where she hid it. I used to exhaust myself to tears trying to convince her that her money wasn't stolen and that she has just forgotten where the new hiding place is, until I became more educated about dementia. One day, I found the sock with the money and kept it just so I would know where it is. After a few evenings of the "my money is stolen" tantrums, and me not responding at all, she has finally forgotten about it! But there is always something else missing or stolen with her. Those "episodes" will go on for about an hour, then she pouts silently for a while, then she goes to bed, The next day, she doesn't remember anything about the previous evening!
Dementia is horrible! That in addition to the fact that my mom and I didn't have the best relationship before dementia is even more challenging! They are no longer in reality but their own reality that often seems like attention-seeking and manipulation, but their brain is dying, section by section.

Generally a person with dementia is not going to plot out ways to cause drama.
The mind does not work in advance like that. That is why they can not live alone, drive a car for example. There is no "cause and effect" particularly for a long range goal.
The ring, if she values it was put someplace for "safekeeping" the problem is she forgot where she put it. The same thing would happen to glasses, keys, purse.
If she constantly takes the ring off maybe putting it on a necklace would be a better option. Or if it is of value maybe "loose" it on purpose and place it in a safe deposit box or a safe at home. Tell her it was taken to the jewelry store to be cleaned or repaired. Yes she will obsess over it for a while but may "forget" after a while. Or if another ring could be given to her in it's place.

It’s fairly clear that some older people will do almost anything to be the center of attention. Also clear that some older people really do hide things they value, forget where they put them, and then worry about them. It may well be with or without dementia, and it may depend on how the person behaved in earlier life. Did they always want to be the center of attention? Even the ‘fake’ emergencies just before the carer has planned a holiday, might be excused about being excessive worry about being left without that particular carer. You can’t let it control your life.

Excusing everything isn’t all that sensible, getting too angry is not much better.

Thank you, for all the responses. I talked to the Dr. He believes it is Sundowners Syndrome. MIL loves D.Pepsi. She would drink 12 cans a day.

In the past 6 months we weaned her down to 3.

Yesterday every time she got up, she would grab 3 cans. - She drank at least 8 cans, that I know of, 40 oz water, + her electrolytes.

So, Hubby and I are going to buy caffeine free from now on and only put 3 in the refrigerator at a time.

Im researching Sundowners and going to try to implement as many of their suggestions as possible.

Thank you for all responses. I didn't even know what Sundowners was. I thought it was because shes been cooped up all day (it's over 100 degrees outside).

And yes, a part of it is attention seeking behavior. Just not like I thought it was.

It's very likely a ploy to get attention. Don't play this game with her. If you and your husband allow yourselves to, the attention-seeking behaviors will soon control your lives. It will go beyond getting everyone worked up over the "missing" ring. That will graduate to attention-seeking behaviors like needing a trip to the ER when something special is planned. Or milking the effects of a hang nail (boo-boo) or a mild cold for weeks at a time. Grandma1954 is right. There is no 'cause and effect' with dementia behavior and no long range goals. Even when it is dementia-related you have to ignore it. Don't play into delusional behaviors that can be harmful and disruptive.
I find after 25 years of experience in elder caregiving that the planned attention-seeking performance behaviors look very different than the ones you get when it's dementia attention-seeking.
With the first it's usually a form of instigating. There are two kinds.

1) The kind that's intended to get a fight started and everyone involved is angry and upset (negative attention)


2) The kind that's intended to create a high-anxiety crisis and get everyone upset but not angry and fighting (positive attention)

The desired outcome is the elder becomes the center of attention for a while.

My mother pulls both kinds. She does not have dementia. Type 2 is her go to every evening after dinner time. Both kinds get ignored and then both kinds stop.

Start taking her ring off an hour or so before dinner and put it in box before it's time for her to start working herself up. Then when she starts, show it to her but don't pay any more attention about it. Don't answer the same question over and over again. It doesn't help.
She will try to start up over something else. Ignore it. The same way that the child can't be the focus of everyone attention every second of the day.
Elders sometimes have to be treated like children. Like when it's bedtime for example. That's not attention time and they have to learn to be alone. The only way that can happen is if they are ignored. It's for their own good. Make sure it's safe and they can't get into trouble. but ignore them.
Don't give your LO's attention-seeking and drama behavior any attention because what it will graduate to is a 'shadowing' habit. This is when an elderly person has to have someone by their side 24-hours a day. They will follow into the bathroom with you. You will have to sleep in their room.
Learn how to ignore with love because this is what's best for everyone including your LO.

You are reading too much into it. At stage 6 they can not “ plot” the brain is unable to do that. She is simply confused and disoriented. Take the ring and put it away. She will forget about it and if she asks tell her that she asked you to take it to the jeweler to have it re sized. If she keeps asking, say it’s not “ ready” yet. She will forget. Good luck. I just lost my husband to this wicked disease and I feel sad but happy he’s no longer suffering.

If they created drama like this when they were "normal" they can certainly create it when they have some type of decline.

I greatly benefited by watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to understand what dementia is, why is causes our LOs to behave the ways that they do, and how to engage with them as peacefully and productively as possible. If you read any given post on this forum you'll see the myriad types of "inexplicable" behaviors that people with dementia have. People are unique and their dementia behaviors can be unique as well. Your LO's brain is broken and continues to break. You must look at her with a different filter now.

A solution could be what Grandma1954 suggested, or you could put her ring on a necklace as long as she's not able to unclasp it or pull it over her head to remove it.

My MIL is in LTC and was obsessing over her engagement ring. I took it telling her I would clean it. I just keep it at home since theft is also always a possibility. She has short term memory impairment, so she's never asked about the whereabouts of the ring. It makes me sad to take it from her but she has plenty of other personal mementos in her her room.

Maybe part of sundowning. Weird behavior is the norm with dementia. Nothing will be normal from here in in. So sorry.

Oh, this sounds so much like sundowning to me. Especially, at stage 6.

The endless loops, the same challenges to understand just where on earth some items can be. The inability to settle down.

Although it’s hugely maddening, she can’t “plan”, as you or I might.