The son told her she is not mentally competent because she takes pain meds, and her vision is poor. She wants to sell so she doesn't have to run out of money. She asked a friend to help clean out the home, but her son is now threatening to turn in the friend-me- for elder abuse. I heard the way he talked to her on the phone ! HE verbally and psychologically abuses her every time I have heard him talk to her. I worked with the elderly 37 years but I'm at a loss... Also he and his wife took things out of the house without permission (large amt of batteries, guns, coins, and knife sharpener) When she needed batteries they charged her account even though they'd taken hers.
2. I hope you've documented all your contacts and actions with your friend. I think the son is using a threat to scare you off, but it's unclear how much authority he has, what his past relationships with his mother are, and how stable he is. I suspect his financial situation, and possibly greed, may also factor into the picture.
3. There's another issue that I would pursue, the "theft" of the guns, unless he has specific authority to do so. Gun laws in some areas have become tighter, and documentation for transfer of them may be necessary.
This is something to explore with the local PD: i.e., the documentation necessary to release, steal, give (and even sell) guns to someone (even a family member), what the penalties are, and whether or not the police would pursue what from your description seems to be either a theft or an undocumented transfer of weapons.
This could really snag him if he's in violation of gun transfer laws.
4. A related factor to gun possession is the hostility and insulting treatment of his mother. If he has this kind of personality, reflecting hostility, I wonder if he has ever become physically hostile to her? If so, that personality factor could enhance the danger of his possession of guns. I would definitely raise this issue with police. No one wants another mass shooting, even if he hasn't expressed hostility toward anyone other than his mother.
5. Coins could be worth a lot of money if they're part of a collection. I'm not current on sale of collectible items and the tax consequences, but I'd check that out as well. It could be that it's an improper transfer, w/o acknowledgment of taxes that might be owed on a collectible item. I don't know if the IRS has time to go after someone on this basis, but it's worth a try.
One thing you need to understand: if your friend does have the beginnings of dementia/memory loss/impairment then the information that she's telling you may not be true, even though she believes it to be fact. This happens often when "outsiders" only see part of the whole picture. Dementia doesn't have anything to indicate when it begins...it starts as shades of grey and progresses ever so slowly but steadily. Her son's abusive talk may be him as a totally frustrated PoA working against a mother who is no longer able to manage but doesn't see it, plus a friend who is interfering with his attempt.
Yours is a complicated position to be in without know what is actually going on. Many people with early dementia believe that people (even LOs) are stealing from them. Just read some of the hundreds of posts on this forum alone about this symptom.
It may be best to report the situation to APS. If the son is overstepping his bounds, they APS may be able to mitigate that. If he's not -- then you will need to stop interfering and just be a friend to your friend. She will need one.
Also, if your friend is on 'pain meds' I'm going to assume those 'meds' are narcotics. You also state that her vision is poor.
Should a person with limited eyesight who takes narcotics really have guns in the house?
You say you've worked with elderly for 37 years. If the amounts of batteries and coins are so large that you mention them as a caregiver yourself, then that should be an indicator that your friend isn't playing with a full deck as they say. She's hoarding and that's a mental disorder. Then add this person is elderly, has limited eyesight, takes narcotics, and has guns on the premesis... well, that's incompetence.
Her son is not doing the right thing by his mother. He should be encouraging her to sell her house and move into an AL community or even memory care.
Talk to the police and explain your side of thr situation before your friend's son does.
Or an elder law attorney to ask them to send son a cease and desist letter.
And of course choose another POA.
Regardless of what she does she may end up alienating the son. But, it sounds like she needs to do something. File a police report for the items taken? She could warn him that unless he returns the items that is what will happen.
What son is doing is called breach of fiduciary duty, serious charges.