Hi, I’m 21 years old, live with my mother, two younger brothers, and stepdad. Recently, about a year ago in December my mom exhibited signs of paranoia and bipolar disorder. She tore our apartment inside out(took down the walls by hand, wrote religious phrases on the walls and furniture) it was very overwhelming as I didn’t know what was happening or never seen her exhibit this kind of behavior. She would often call me a demon and said I wasn’t me which hurt me a lot. I took it upon myself to hospitalize her because it was affecting both of my brothers lives as well. They had her on medication and told her to continue them but she didn’t. Some months passed and she seemed like her normal self again but these past two months I feel like the same thing is happening again she writes gibberish and threw my stuff away because she said she saw something bad in it. She even accused me of sleeping with my stepdad which hurts me a lot because it’s ridiculous why would she say that to me and our entire family ??
I care for my mom, and it feels like she isn’t the person I once knew and called mom. I don’t recognize her and she blames me for her behavior because I’m not there for her and I’m not her little girl but I can’t always just be home. I have work and school responsibilities.
when I come home from work I hear her crying in the bathroom, she switches up her emotions from happy to saying she regrets giving birth to me. All this of course hurts me to my core where I have been trying to move away as I can’t take the verbal abuse anymore. Please help me. I don’t want to put her through hospitalization again because I was going to call for a mental health evaluation again but she said I would be dead to her if I did that again. But I don’t know what else to do.

If your step-father is present, he needs to step up to the plate.

"Although bipolar disorder can occur at any age, typically it's diagnosed in the teenage years or early 20s. Symptoms can vary from person to person, and symptoms may vary over time.Feb 16, 2021"

Bi-Polar is in my family. 2 cousins suffer from it and parents are siblings. My one cousin I am sure she had it in her teens but not diagnosed till 40s. She used alcohol to cover it.

Mom needs help. Paranoia can cause Mom to hurt someone if she thinks they are going to hurt her. She needs to be Baker Acted.
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Reply to JoAnn29

From what you say it sounds as if she may be having another break. Look at it this way: If your mom were having a problem breathing wouldn't you get her to a doctor or hospital? Of course, because her lungs aren't working correctly and she needs medical help. Her brain is another organ in her body and it's not working correctly so that you need to get her to a doctor or hospital so that they can help her. Was your mom seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist after her last hospitalization? If so you may want to give that person a call and tell about the symptoms you've been observing. Don't second guess yourself. This is a medical problem, treat it as such. Take care of yourself and hugs to are stronger than you think, smarter than you know, and powerful.
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Reply to Tynagh

This sounds like mental illness. I doubt that you are the one in a position to try to intervene on this, and I would move as far from it, at your age, as I am able.
I suggest you read Liz Scheier's great book called Never Simple, about her attempts throughout her mother's life to get her mental illness assistance, and about its ultimate failure. She utilized all the available social services and mental health services available throughout her city and state of New York, all to no avail. It is not against the law to be mentally ill, and the numbers of homeless on the street, a great majority of whom suffer mental illness are proof of the fact that our society has not the will nor way to address it.
If your mother is not cooperative in getting help for herself then there will almost certainly be no help. I would try to get yourself to a certified licensed Social Worker who is in private practice as a counselor and get the help to face the facts as they are (and as they may remain) in your own life, and to find the tools to get yourself free of this. As with those adults who are mentally ill and who have no families at all, no children, and etc. your Mom has the resources that are available to her. This isn't something you can change, and it isn't something you are likely to be able to help. Please read NEVER SIMPLE. It isn't a new book and should be easily available used on Amazon or other book sites on line. I am so sorry you are going through this and wish you the very best.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

Wow. I feel for you… it’s horrible all around.

She is obviously very mentally ill. She’s saying mean things because she is not in her right mind. It’s like someone just took over. It’s not your fault. You’re doing the best you can right now. This is way too much one person to handle.

This is not a safe situation for you or your brothers. I don’t mean to scare you, but keep knives and anything sharp away from her reach.

Next time she flips out, call 911. Get her admitted like you did last time, but do not let them send her home. No matter how much they say you have to… it is not safe for her or anyone else. If your brothers are minors, you may have to get legal help for them not to live with her anymore.
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Reply to LoopyLoo

Where is her husband in all of this? He's the one who is the adult in charge and should be working on helping her, not you.

There could be many reasons why she is displaying this behavior and until she gets an accurate diagnosis and then a treatment that she complies with, your step-dad will need to stand his ground in protecting you kids and getting her help against her will because she obviously isn't in her right mind to do so. If she lived by herself and her behavior didn't impact anyone else, then she could do what she pleased, but this doesn't sound like your situation.

If your step-dad is AWOL then the next time she spins out of control you MUST call 911 and have her admitted. You should take video of her weird behavior so that if she comes home and doesn'y comply with her treatment you can show her the hell she is creating for everyone in your home.

A real possibility for her is that if she doesn't stay with her treatment, her psychotic episodes may cause your family to allow the county to acquire guardianship over her. Then they will decide where she lives and what treatment she gets (which may be the best thing for her).

Again, an accurate diagnosis is very important -- not just the assumption that she has a mental illness. UTIs can cause very weird symptoms in people as they age. UTIs are treatable and fully cured.

As for the "dead to me" threat... ignore it. Or show her the video of her distructive behavior and painful words and tell her if she doesn't help herself SHE'LL be DEAD to YOU. This is called a boundary. Defend it.
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Reply to Geaton777

You need to set up a mental health evaluation for her. It doesn’t matter that she said you’d be dead to her if you do that. She isn’t in her right mind and you already know you can’t trust what she says. She is sick and needs help so that’s the best way to get it. Can you stay with a friend or other family while this gets straightened out? Considering all you’ve mentioned, that might be the best thing for you. Good luck, and I hope things get better for you.
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Reply to Fawnby

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