My Mom and Dad both need professional care, but neither one wants it. Three of us siblings share the responsibilities of caretaker, but it's getting so bad we're just no longer enough. We need to do something, but Mom and Dad won't cooperate.
A family member talked to a social worker who told a story about a son who was charged with elder abuse when his mother didn't want to go to a facility even though she needed to. Could that happen to us?
You have received great advice, do I won’t repeat the same message. I just want to wish you well in your job interviews. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.
My experience: My 80+ year old father was caring for my mother who was in worse shape than him, he started acting very strange. I was so worried something really bad would happen. I'm an only child with basically no cousins or aunts / uncles to help talk to them. My father refused to go to the doctor. I anonymously called Adult Protective Services. I told them how I was related and my name but I told them I wanted to remain anonymous so my parents would not be upset with me. I later told them I was the one who called. Basically, my father had a kidney infection that was causing him to act differently. Also, the APS worker helped encourage my parents to get some in home care.
My RN daughter has worked in two states and says Hospitals can release "unsafely". Rehabs not so much. So if one of your parents is in the Hospital and rehab is suggested, make sure they go. While there have them evaluated for 24/7 care. If found its needed, this is the time to say there is no one to care for them. They can't afford "in home" care. The home is unsafe for the care needed. Whatever excuse fits. In other words, they need to go to an AL if they can afford it or a NH with Medicaid covering their care. If this happens, maybe the other parent will follow. Medicaid does allow assets to be split if one parent stays in the home. But thats a whole other topic.
If you do not already have documentation and diagnosis you cannot act. Even with diagnosis and prognosis you need POA or guardianship/conservatorship.
If the answer is no, then none of you are responsible for them.
Also, the social worker who told your family member the story of the son charged with elder abuse for placing his mom in a care facility against her will, is completely full of sh*t. Never assume that any social worker you deal with is telling the whole truth of something. They lie all the time and will customize their lies to promote the policies of whatever business, agency, care facility, or even state who signs their paychecks. No elderly person in the history of mankind has ever wanted to go into a care facility. No one is in a nursing home because they want to be.
My step-daughter is an LCSW and told me this herself. So, don't trust what this one is saying.
If your parents are refusing hired homecare help or they are past what homecare can provide and will not willingly go into a care facility, then you and your siblings have to go to the probate court.
One of you has to apply for conservatorship/guardianship over them and have them put into a care facility under what is called a 'Hostile Transfer'. The term is pretty much self-explanatory. Whatever care facility you'll be using will help you with getting them there.
Get together with your siblings and do the petition for conservatorship/guardianship at the probate court. Then you can work from there.
Where I live (as most everywhere) everyone is deemed competent unless proved otherwise.
Competent is not just one yes/no either Eg may be competent or not for medical, legal, financial or lifestyle.
With folk living alone past when they should.. the "I don't need ANY help!" But they sure do.. Like your folks, it often does become 'awaitng a crises' type situation.
Here, it goes something like this;
1. Crises. Hopsital. If ok, go home. If not ok, home services are arranged/suggested by Social Worker. If they lock the home help out, crises #2 happens soon enough, back to step 1 for another loop.
Hospital Social Worker will lay out their available options each time. Sometimes, one will see their can no longer cope at home, give in & choose their NH from the shiny brochures laid out.
Sometimes they go around the loop a few more times before they give in.
(Met a lovely 93 yr old once upon a time on probably his 6th or so loop.. last visit home was ONE day before he called family & EMS in tears 😞).
Some are such an *unsafe discharge* & the hospital cannot send home alone (& family say no, not having 'em here) so a Guardianship process through the courts is persued. A neuro/psych exam may be ordered & if not competent, a Guardian appointed (either family or court appointed). Guardian then can make living decisions.
You can find out how it works in your state & warn your folks. Or not! Let the Social Workers, Doctors etc do all that. You just live your life. Be a friendly visitor, call to say Hi etc.
Best of luck with the job! Enjoy your new direction.
Good luck with your interviews! 2020 was hard on so many. Hope the job is well suited to you and you to the employer's needs!
Both jobs look great. One's definitely closer than the other, but I'd love to land either one.
So, yes, if you forced them to go to a facility, you in effect are locking them up. Unlawful imprisonment. Sounds extreme doesn't it?
Your solution is to get out of there and get on with your life.
BTW, I am doing everything I can to move on. 2020 was a rough year, but I have two job interviews this week. I'm praying one of them leads to something.
Now if they have been declared incompetent you may have the right to place them if you are POA or have guardianship.
What were they?
Blasted fingers.