My husband is in hospice he has brain and lung cancer. They put him in hospice because of his brain tumors. He got sick 3 weeks ago chest congestion I asked the nurse and called the hotline to ask for antibiotics they would not give him anything until he got really bad. He has went from being able to setup walk to now he can't even hold his head up. I take care of him meaning I have to lift him to move him and clean him and he is bigger than I am. I called hospice asking can't I get help? They messed his meds all up in the start finally got that fixed then he got sick and it took them 3 weeks to give him anything. He should not be this bad right now. Hospice told me the only job they have to do is have the nurse come down vitals and meds. They can have someone give him a bath but that's it. It is my responsibility to take care and do everything else not theirs. I have never had to use hospice but some has been telling me that's not right. That they are supposed to help make things easier and all I do is cry and watch my husband get worse and I told him I promise I will always take care of him. But when you're watching your husband 24 7 and doing everything by yourself. I can't even take a shower unless I can get someone to come visit and set with him for a few. Am I wrong or do I have a lawsuit and need to find a new hospice?
For very unfortunate personal reasons, I as a former RN, and through a horrible injury to a loved one have a whole lot of legal knowledge about personal injury suits involving negligence.
A suit requires SOLID PROOF. And testimony of exactly how, when and by whom that injury occurred.
It also demands that the person injured, but FOR this injury, would have lived long and well and earned a whole lot of money for their family.
It demands that an attorney invest 100s of thousands of dollars in research, record gathering and expert medical testimony in the full belief that a win will get millions of dollars for client and self.
While you recognize you are going to lose your beloved hubby from cancer of the brain, you feel SUBJECTIVELY (it's your opinion) that he is going earlier than he should have. That, unfortunately falls in the realm of opinion; I would bet that no physician told you such a thing. And this opinion couldn't be PROVEN by experts in court. No MD would ever get on the stand and say "Yes, but for what Hospice allowed here this man would have lived ___________months/years/decades longer."
Because attorneys have to pay up front for experts, they take now only suits in which there is injury that is CLEARLY provable, and that have huge payouts in terms of long term care. BECAUSE current law allows only 250,000 in damages. For an older person, damages are exponential DEcreased. It doesn't pay for them to do so.
Igloo has said it here many times and it is true, no matter how we are killed, after age 65 we simply are not worth a personal injury attorney's time and investment in our wrongful death. After a certain age we are society's liability, not worth much in the court systems. A sad and a hard fact to get hold of mentally, but a fact.
I am sorry for your grief. Grief counselors tell us that we avoid moving into grief by instead finding someone to blame. This is almost always a doctor, a hospital, nursing staff, missed diagnosis, convalescent places and Hospice. Our minds somehow tell us that if there is blame, then things can be changed. But even when there IS blame, loss often cannot be changed, and eventually we must enter that horrible grief that recognizes no matter how or why we have most certainly lost the most important thing in our world.
If you choose to pursue this be certain you yourself pay no money to an attorney.
There is no case here because the entities you wish to sue are dealing with a man who is dying of brain tumors. There are no damages and no certainty he would have lived longer but for something they "did". There can never be any proof of your suspicions, and no one you talk to will testify in court to what you believe happened.
I know that Burntcaregiver is involved in caregiving for a living and in management of same. But in this case I could not disagree more with her opinion that A) there is a lawsuit here B) there was wrongdoing here and C) that you should sue. However, I do believe you yourself may be comforted if you speak to several attorneys and hear this yourself. This will allow you to move on into the horrific work of grieving a man you love. Please get all the grief counseling you can possibly find. My heart goes out to you in your loss.
In questions such as yours our Forum often gets stuck in the mud of arguing among ourselves what CAN be done and what SHOULD be done. I would stake my own life on the fact that there is NOT any winnable lawsuit here. Rather than participate further in our argument back and forth here, I will bow away from this sad thread by suggesting you see at least two or three attorney's. They are the experts.
Yes, you are wrong in thinking you have a lawsuit.
You clearly are not accepting of the death and dying, of Hospice and etc.
You need to speak WITH HOSPICE now, not with a Forum of strangers. On the face of the little we can glean from a simple message to an online Forum you are in need of psychological counseling that is best addressed by A) Husband's medical team B) Hospice.
Please discuss with the ABOVE what you wish to discuss with us. They are aware of the patient, the diagnosis, the prognosis, and the family. WE ARE NOT. We can offer our sympathy. God knows that in the loss of the love of your life we DO offer our deepest sympathy. Like "thoughts and prayers" that is nothing compared to what you are currently facing in terms of loss. I am so very sorry. We can NONE of us imagine until we are there. I am 82. My partner is 84. We IMAGINE it all the time. And yet................we can have no idea.
I send to you my deepest heartfelt sympathy. Truly. I do.
However, if antibiotics would have eased your Husband's symptoms if given earlier, I am truly sorry he did not receive them.
I certainly support any idea that if you are not confident with the current Hospice team, you seek a 2nd opinion. Seek out a different provider service as needed.
I think our 'Western Medicine' approach sometimes grows misconceptions about curative treatments. That it is the only way. That when someone is sick, they must get medicine.
It's natural to want hope & to want something to help ease our LO's suffering. We are lucky in this day & age to have the medications we do, especially pain relief medication. But I wonder if we also need cultural guildines to just let things be too.
I don't see this as a legal issue. I see it as anger & deep disappointment. Maybe misunderstandings & miscommunication too.
You don't have a lawsuit, but you can hire a new hospice company if you'd like.
My condolences to you on this terribly difficult situation. I experienced it twice with both of my parents and it wasn't easy, to say the least. But my folks were in Assisted Living so I didn't have to do the hands on caregiving 24/7 like you do. It's too much and you need a break. Please hire an aide even if it's only for a few hours at a pop. You need some time for YOURSELF. Sending you a hug and a prayer for clarity.
May I just add my 2 cents that will tell you there's no point in attempting to sure the hospice company. They will mount a mighty defense and have deep pockets. You don't.
As far as what you deem to be the crux of the problem is that your DH was not given antibiotics right at the time he got sick. IF the illness were, say, a simple cold, antibiotics would do nothing. Until a secondary infection occurs, antibiotics don't come into play.
I think your anger and sadness both are due to the fact your DH is dying, not that he has 'less time' now with you. Death is a very personal business and it's NEVER a 'good time' to have it happen. It sounds as if he is actively suffering and that is what you need to address. The 'infection' being treated or not probably has no bearing on when he does finally pass. And being angry about it won't help YOUR mental state.
If you really want, fire this Hospice Co and get another one. Be sure you KNOW EXACTLY what they will and won't be doing for care. As one poster said, it's 99% the family and 1% Hospice. (If you are home based hospice, that is).
You can't prove that the 'infection' was what took him down several levels in his health. That could be simply HIS timeline. I am truly sorry for your impending loss, but I would encourage you to A: find a Hospice Co you feel better about and B: spend your obvious energy on being with your DH in the moment.
I'm guessing you didn't completely understand their role in your husbands care, which could be because you didn't ask the right questions, or because things weren't explained to you properly, but either way, all the way until your husband dies, if you keep him at home, you will be responsible for 99% of your husbands care while hospice does the other 1%.
So yes sadly you are wrong in this situation, and instead should be looking into hiring some in-home help to assist you with your husband, or look into placing him.
Keep in mind too that when your husband is actively dying that you can have him brought to the hospice home for him to die where he will receive 24/7 care from hospice, and that too will be covered 100% under your husbands Medicare.
My late husband was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life and was completely bedridden, and I had to stay on top of hospice constantly to make sure that my husband was receiving the care that he deserved, which meant often calling the office to voice my concerns.
So don't be afraid to speak up to ensure your husband is also receiving the care that he deserves. And if your not happy with this hospice agency, hire a different one.
I wish you the very best as you take this final journey with your husband.
In the meantime, your husband needs comfort medication and not antibiotics to prolong his life. Hospices provide grief councellors and it may be time to ask for one.
You need to accept the fact he’s dying and come to terms with it. Nothing you, hospice, or anyone else can do will stop his decline and death.
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