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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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The above is a link to a great article to help you spot the 25 signs of a passive/aggressive covert narcissist. Of course, if your father also suffers from dementia, that can make for an even worse situation! Once a narcissistic type person develops dementia, ugh, things get even WORSE than ever before b/c they lose the little filter they once had! My mother fit into this category, and I dealt with her antics for over a decade, so yeah, it's not easy, I know.
Here's a link to an article discussing the Gray Rock Method to use with a narcissistic personality type:
Of course, you'll have to adjust things to take dementia into consideration, and that your father lives in your home (I read some of your other posts/comments), knowing that you can't just leave the situation entirely, since dad LIVES with you.
Do use google or your favorite other search engine and simply type in the words "going grey rock". Will give you excellent explanation. Basically think of a grey rock. If you rant at it, accuse it, make demands of it, it is basically going to sit there and not say a word to you. Often when people are narcissistic or manipulative or furious out of all control, the best thing is to not respond at all. This would assume you have tried the nice responses of saying "I hear what you are saying; I will think about that", or "I am so sorry you feel that way" over some time. Have fun exploring this fascinating idea. It kind of plays off of "it takes two to fight."
Basically you set you boundaries of what and how much you are willing to do and when they are ranting and/or being unreasonable you pretend you are a "grey rock" and don't rise to the bait, you just let it wash over you. This usually goes hand in hand with limiting contact as much as possible.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The above is a link to a great article to help you spot the 25 signs of a passive/aggressive covert narcissist. Of course, if your father also suffers from dementia, that can make for an even worse situation! Once a narcissistic type person develops dementia, ugh, things get even WORSE than ever before b/c they lose the little filter they once had! My mother fit into this category, and I dealt with her antics for over a decade, so yeah, it's not easy, I know.
Here's a link to an article discussing the Gray Rock Method to use with a narcissistic personality type:
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock#definition
And another showing 5 simple techniques to use:
https://www.blunt-therapy.com/how-to-gray-rock-method-a-narcissist/
Of course, you'll have to adjust things to take dementia into consideration, and that your father lives in your home (I read some of your other posts/comments), knowing that you can't just leave the situation entirely, since dad LIVES with you.
Best of luck!
Basically think of a grey rock. If you rant at it, accuse it, make demands of it, it is basically going to sit there and not say a word to you.
Often when people are narcissistic or manipulative or furious out of all control, the best thing is to not respond at all. This would assume you have tried the nice responses of saying "I hear what you are saying; I will think about that", or "I am so sorry you feel that way" over some time.
Have fun exploring this fascinating idea. It kind of plays off of "it takes two to fight."