Ok my anxieties are getting the best of me...
My mil goes in the see a geriatric specialist next week for proper diagnosis.
We know there is memory issues without a doubt.
Our big concern is to have a medical professional, someone she would respect, tell her it's time to give up your license and you can't live alone anymore.
The clinic we are going to has told us the doctor will not read a bullet point write up of our observations, but we could give it to the caseworker who will review it and decide what the doctor needs to know.
They also shared that they have driving simulators that they can test my mil skills on to determine if taking away the license is necessary. She is very able bodied, and I am worried she will pass very easily. Yet we have been concerned for a while about her driving and especially driving alone. There has been one accident in a parking lot, where she claimed she just walked out in the parking lot and the car was damage. This very well may have been true, but then again it may not have been.
Also, her general practitioner avoided conflicts so when she heard she was in a home, she chose not to address that issue, thinking that all was well there. When this is a huge sticking point in our world right now. Since her car is at her house (they both will be sold soon), the doctor knew she was being driven around everywhere, so she downplayed saying well it is probably a good idea people are driving you around, this medication you probably shouldn't be driving.
There are things my mil is doing that you just wouldn't know was happening unless you spent a whole lot of time with her. Like cycling negative thoughts, worries or concerns, these thoughts could be proven wrong, she will acknowledge it at the time. Then she goes back into those negative thoughts and that acknowledge is absolutely gone.
She can be so sickly pleasant with new people, for us to watch it, it feels very much fake it til you make it. We have noticed some people picking up on her having issues, usually it is repeated questions. She will answer questions very matter of fact and everything is fine.
When my fil was still in the hospital for a bleeding stroke, he was alert answering all the cognitive questions fine. She was running around telling everyone he was in a coma, then it changed to heart attack, both very different things than a stroke. She would come home after being at the hospital all day and announce that her husband was asleep all day, then whoever was with her that day visiting fil would share all the things he said that day and did.
Bottom line I am hoping to get information that will hopefully tell me I am being silly; they are professionals and will see through it all. But if that isn't the case, know what to watch for and head off or be prepared.
Over thinking at its finest!
If someone is only going to ask her to name the president, ask if she knows where she is and who she is (oriented to time, place and person), you're in trouble.
If the doctor is a neurologist, psychiatrist or some who specializes in diagnosing cognitive issues, they will use validated instruments like SLUMS or MoCA to tease out her deficiencies.
If you are seeing a neuropsychologist, she'll get several hours of paper and pencil testing that will result in a report that outlines exactly what her strengths and weaknesses are.
Most of the folks I've encountered who do this work (neuropsychs, neurologists and psychiatrists who specialize in dementia) are smart, thorough, and very kind. They are good at kindly delivering bad news.
Make sure your husband asks specifically for a recommendation about driving/not driving and ask that it be written down. You will probably have occasion in the future to say "Dr. G said no driving, mom".
Have him ask also about whether medication for negative mood might be in order, or if this practioner claims no expertise that area, get a referral for a geriatric psychiatrist. My mother was so blessed to have good psychiatrists who were able to alleviate her depression and lifelong anxiety without "drugging" her.
We don't know all the titles where she is going, we do know it is a geriatric specialist, I have also picked up on there will be a caseworker involved that will be kind of a go between my husband and the Dr.
We are praying we will get appropriate mood stabilizers on board, what she is on right now is not affective enough.
I will be letting my husband know your suggestions, thank you!
Getting an official diagnosis is good but I think that you already know the truth based on our observations. If you aren't health POA her doctor will likely not share her diagnosis due to HIPPA laws unless she gives him permission. Unfortunately the disease is there whether you give it a name or not.
I had pretty much figured out my mom's diagnosis based on observation and research on reputable websites. When the doctor's appointment finally happened after COVID madness I wasn't surprised.
Good luck with the appointment. I know it's easy to spiral into what if thinking but try to stay focused on the current step (doctor's appointment), get through that, then tackle the result of it.
My mil even though she gets very defensive about her medical issues/needs for some reason hasn't fought my husband yet on joining her for her examines.
Jeez yeah Covid made my mil a lot worst and now her husband's stroke, she just keeps getting one hit after another and spiraling quickly. We balance between we are absolutely heartbroken for her or being frustrated with her.
While the doc may not read your writeup, yes, get it to the social worker ASAP and that person will synopsise it for the MD.
Sure wish you luck and hope that there is a POA in all this; that is CRUCIAL. That is the only person who will be communicated with.
Please update us. You appear to be doing all you can.
Actually there is a POA, her son and co her daughter. Now, during my fil rehab after his stroke, my husband had them sign over mil POA over her husbands care to her son. They also have HIPA in place too.
We are under the impression that the POA is only in effect until one of them is incapacitated. I don't know that she would be found to be incapacitated at this point, maybe the appt will clarify that for us.
During the rehab stay for fil, they signed a durable POA over for finances. He could not get the Durable POA for health signed, since it required 2 witness', that we weren't aware of prior and the rehab staff could not assist in that way.
The clinic my mil will be going to did say they could help with witnessing and signing a Durable Power of Attorney there at the office. That surprised me and gave me hope, let's hope mil is in a good place to understand this is needed and a good thing. Then all we have to do and get one for fil, which will be easy.