My husband has Parkinson’s and mild dementia. I’m 73 and can no longer care for him. He is in a nursing home and he says the physical therapists are telling him he’s ok to go home. Well sure, in a wheelchair with people taking him to the bathroom, bathing him, etc. he seems ok, but as soon as he came home we’d have 911 at our house every day because of falls. I’m scared. I tried to take care of him and can’t. I have POA.

Please talk to social services or the case manager at his rehab facility. If you are unable to care for your husband, they can help you with arranging other options.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Taarna

Acanesfan: Perhaps your husband is not relaying the physical therapists' information correctly to you. Speak to the PTs yourself.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Llamalover47

Good Afternoon,

I agree with the responses. In order for the person to be discharged, it has to be a safe discharge with a "Care Plan". Basically call on the troupes, Visiting Nurses, physical therapist, occupational therapist, CNA request a man for showering and home blood draw.

All durable medical equipment--railings on toilet, handrails in shower, hospital bed all need to be in place before discharge.

A non-emergency transport needs to be lined up if your husband does decide ot come home. You need to speak with the social work and your husband's primary care doctor and don't be polite about this.

It's a new vocabulary/language we all had to learn. God be with you. You are in my prayers.
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Reply to Ireland
Mysteryshopper May 18, 2022
I agree with you 100%. However, be careful of any "care plan" that's presented by any entity that's trying to discharge someone. I ran into several things including but not limited to:

1. Instead of crafting a solution to fit our problem, the problem was manipulated such that it fit the pre-determined solution. It was presented to me that the care plan was written just for our situation and it would all be picture perfect. Honestly, I now think that pretty much everyone gets a similar care plan unless they have excellent insurance and/or can self pay for what is truly needed. It was all spun in such a way that I could be convinced to pick up my LO and take her home. Once home, I was on my own with a woman whose needs clearly exceeded the amount of help there was - a fact that was not obvious within the protective walls of the facility.

2. In terms of durable medical equipment, I lacked experience to know what to ask for and was scrambling trying to acquire these things on my own after the lady was home. It turned out later that my loved one had told them she had railings, a friend to stay with her, etc. Rather than checking with me, the discharge planner simply believed her and released her to my care. No one asked me what equipment I had or what I needed. I didn't even know what I needed and I relied on the "expertise" of those who were supposed to help. Most assuredly, no one came to the house to check. By the time anyone came to the house, I was then under fire for not having "safety items" and was threatened with neglect charges.

Just be wary of any care plan that's written for discharge from any entity that wants your loved one OUT of there. Many of these plans are not worth the paper they are written on and YOU will not realize this until you're at home with your loved one and you are on your own with that person.
When my Papa was in Rehab, with the same diagnosis as yours, his Physical Therapists said the same thing. Papa wanted to go the same day.

We went over their head to the Social Worker. Papa was a permanent placement too. She immediately went to the Physical Therapy Department and told them to knock it off.

Just because he is doing well enough to “graduate” from PT doesn’t mean he’ll be going home. They do not have the authority to do that. Their input is minor in the grand scheme of things.

Your not being able to care for him at home is the main factor. As long as you say no, he will remain where he is. Stay strong.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to BeckyT

Therapists don't have discharge authority. Your LO is either "making it up" as has been stated previously or he may have been told that he had come a long way in his therapy. Talk to the therapy director and check in with the social worker and DON and explain that you can not care for him and home and that it would be an unsafe discharge.

And definitely talk to a good elder care attorney who can help you separate your assets in the event Medicaid is needed to pay for your LO's long term care. the attorney will help you split your assets so that you can keep your home, 1 car and social security income that you are entitled to. You are responsible to paying real estate tax and maintenance on home and car.
Good Luck and peace on this journey.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to geddyupgo

Ask for a patient care conference. Let them know your husband is permanently placed and that their unthinking admonintions about his homegoing is exceptionally disturbing to him. Tell them that he is not returning home and they should not be so cruel as to suggest he will.
As to speak to admins about their behavior. This is WRONG.
No, no one can make you take anyone home who you cannot care for. Make it clear that your husband is now permanently placed and make clear the importance of not lying to him and giving him false hopes.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AlvaDeer

Hi there,
i hope you are doing alright. I cannot comment on how he is doing of course but when my father was in the hospital after brain surgery for Parkinson’s (it sadly caused him to begin his journey in dementia earlier then thought) he would constantly say that the doctor says he can go home now. Once he said that to my mother who asked him which doctor said that and he pointed to a guy in a hospital uniform saying it was him but he is too busy right now to speak with her but he said he could go home. The man my father pointed to was an orderly. I can’t say that in his thoughts he was making it up just to get home or if in his mind with dementia really believed he was told that but the end result is the same no doctor told him he could go home and my mother just sort of went along with the story so as not to upset him. She would basically say that it was good news but they don’t seem to be releasing him now so while we wait let’s get the free lunch they provide etc. So this could truly be your husband either believing that he was told he can go home, him saying what he thinks needs to be said to get you to take him home or he is changing what the therapist said to be something saying he can go home. Like perhaps the therapist said to him that he is doing better (nothing to do with him going home). You can always speak with the therapist alone to see if they actually said that.

i hope things go better for you soon.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to MTL1974

He just went into the home. Plan was for him to be long term resident. Thanks to all of you for your replies. I will follow up on everything..
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Acanesfan

Yes, talk to the therapist and tell her it would be an "unsafe discharge" to send him home. You cannot care for him.

Then you go see an elder lawyer to split your assets. His split going to his care. If Medicaid is needed, you become the Community Spouse. You get the house and a car. You will get enough money from your monthy income to pay your expenses. A elder lawyer will go into this more with you.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to JoAnn29

Start by talking to the therapists yourself.

This is such a hard position to be in. Is he in the NH as part of rehab or as a long term care resident?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

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