What should I do? My Husband who has had Dementia for about 5 years. He is not mean or argumentative. It's is his Memory that is completely gone.
He is 88 and I am89.
Our Children help a little like coming to stay with him, while I go do things.
The Children would like me to put him in a Memory care place, and there are days I agree but there are days I don't.
I know since I am 89 and in fairly good health yet, they would like to see me enjoy life while I still can. What to do>

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Only you can decide.
Placing spouse must be one of the hardest things we have to do in life.
I cannot even imagine if time comes.
No advice, just sympathy as it is hard choice.
Helpful Answer (1)

You’re the only one who can make this choice.

You aren’t young, even though you may be in good health. That would concern me if I were one of your children.

Wishing you and your family all the best.
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How is he in terms of bathing, toileting, feeding, mobility? My mom at 87 handled dad with dementia by herself as for most of the time, dad had these under control.
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Aside from your children wanting you to enjoy life, they may be tired of babysitting him so you can go out. Also, for your husband, it's not a very stimulating situation to be sitting around the house vegetating. In a facility he'd have activities and friends, outings and lots of people to look after him.

I'd vote for Memory Care for him, since all of you, including him, probably need a break. And although he's not mean or argumentative, he will get worse in some way (incontinence, becoming bedridden, or something). Then what? It would be better if that happened when he's already in care.
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I think the main question here is perhaps ARE you enjoying your life?
Is it too much a burden, or would you be more unhappy with him in care?
Sometimes, even very changed, our loved one means a lot of comfort and company for us.
So I think it is important to examine what you might be doing differently were he gone.
Would you still enjoy your days? Are there friends you would like to visit with, lunches to go to, books to read uninterrupted, fewer meals and cleanups, pets perhaps and dog walks, knitting club, church activities?
Or are you more or less content with the routines of your days.

I myself, were I so uncertain as to ask a Forum of strangers, might consider instead keeping a diary daily for a period of one to three months. Then examine my days and see which were "good" and which were "NOT good" on a scale of one to ten. I might lookat what I wished I could do on a particular day that I was unable, or what I enjoyed about being with hubby, feeding the birds, doing whatever.

I sure wish you good luck. This is a tough decision.
I think the kids are afraid for you, and afraid what will happen if they get the call that you yourself have taken a bad fall, had to go to hospital. They are anything but disinterested parties to this decision.

I think you should listen now TO YOUR OWN VOICE in order to come to some conclusions. And most of all, I hope you will update us here about your choice and about what made the difference in the choice. It could be invaluable to others.

My very best out to you and your dear husband.
Helpful Answer (2)

Respectfully, at your ages, one or both of you could have some profound health crisis and then all the future decisions and actions will be laid onto your children to deal with. If I were in your shoes, I'd transition him now... why wait? He will need it eventually, anyway. Then you are part of the decision-making for him. Transitioning him into MC doesn't mean you don't love him. You need to make the most of what is yet to come in your own life...full of good things, I hope!
Helpful Answer (3)

Me, I would do as your children recommend, you are too emotionally involved to make a sound decision.

Free yourself up to enjoy what time you have left, you can visit him as needed.

Take care of you.

Best of luck!
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