My dad has vascular dementia from having 2 strokes (we think there might have been a 3rd). He refuses to go to any doctor ever. His speech is awful, he tries to talk and it is like baby gibberish and he gets very angry and loud if you cannot understand him. He hates my mother who is is “caretaker” I guess. He’s only 58 and cannot care for himself. He has been violent before and the police have had to come. I’m trying to figure out how to get him into a home or assisted living type place but do not know where to start. Also, what do you do if they refuse to go into one? I already know he will refuse but we cannot care for him anymore and it is not safe for us to be in the same house as him 24/7. I think he has Medicare and Medicaid, but I’m not positive. He might draw social security as well. My mom is scared to do anything because she is afraid we would have to sell our house to cover the costs and we don’t have time for that. Please help, thank you in advance:)
Have you considered calling the local Area Agency on Aging and asking for a "needs assessment"?
How long ago did he see a doctor? Can you call that doctor and ask for advice?
If it is unsafe for you all to be in the same house, you need to call 911 and have him sent for a psychiatric evaluation. Most states have a provision for a 72 hour involuntary hold when people have become a threat to themselves and/or others. In some places it's called the "Baker Act".