I am an only child. Have 5 stepsisters and 1 stepbrother. Don't really expect a lot of help from them. The youngest which was at home when Mom married their Dad does try to be helpful. Several of them visit her. I keep contemplating putting her in assisted living. As much for her sake as for mine. She does not see well because of macular degeneration so she can't read which she always loved to do. She doesn't hear well so tv is not too interesting to her. She does not eat well and has lost a lot of weight. She doesn't get any exercise. She just sits in her chair all day, existing. Maybe if she were in assisted living she would be more entertained and have other people around other than my husband and me. I can't live my own life because I can't leave her alone. Since she can't hear she always has to have everything repeated. She wants to know what everyone said even if they weren't talking to her. She wants to know everything that is going on etc. She totally gets on my nerves and I speak hatefully to her. We have always been very close and this makes me feel terribly guilty. But when I think of putting her in to assisted living I feel guilty too. My husband has been a saint in helping and putting up with her but he gets very impatient too. What a revolting development this turned out to be! Every day is the same. Kind of like the movie "Groundhog's Day"! I feel very depressed, overeat, can't get motivated and have a rough time sleeping. Then I feel guilty because I feel like I feel more sorry for myself than I do her. I don't think I resent her so much as I resent what has happened to this once strong, funny, self-sufficient lady. She never complains about her plight. (although everyday is about her pills, her ails, and doing things in her time!) Guess that is enough venting for today. I do love her very much. Things will work out.
I feel better just having written. Guess I better get the recycling and garbage out before starting dinner. My mother said that we need to go visit my brother this weekend. All I can think is WHY would I want to do that. It is a long drive in traffic to reach somewhere I can't wait to leave. And I know the only reason I have to do these things is that no one else can be bothered to even visit her. Oops, now I feel unmotivated again.