My mother needs 24 hours care and we try to allocate the work/Job. My Elder sister cannot handle stress and she put it out to her younger siblings (which is me and my husband and my brother). She wants attention and complains all the time. She blows out her grief (personal) all together. It puts on extra-stress to us on top of taking care mom.
Please Help!
Then I moved in state. My sister became disabled too. At first she would cry to
mom and I because she was left out, there was nothing we could do about it.
She was in so much pain she could not function and was confined to a bed or a chair. I had to take over the power of attorney, because she would not obey doctors orders, was falling out of bed, getting hurt, couldn't take care of herself. I got a letter from her that was filled with such hate, I didn't know she was capable of such hate,along with a lot of other family problems, I finally had to stop talking to her. I still have her power of attorney. I would love to give her all the responsibility.
I am waiting for her to become well again. So she can do what ever she wants.
I encourage mom to call her, and be apart of her life. But it will never be the same.
I kept mom in my home as long as I possibly could. When she could not stand
and go to the bathroom by her self my husband and I and my disabled son did the
best we could. But it got worse. I couldn't help her anymore. It was killing my
back. My husband travels alot. And, she was in pain all the time. We finally took
mom to " Health Center. But it costs $5,600.00 at least per month. My one bro.
has taken out a loan to pay for it. (he is trying to buy Moms House I property) but
my younger brother is trying to stop him. If he can't buy the property he will be
stuck with a huge debt. I have paid as much as I can as well.
The rest of the family insists that we can afford it? This must be what hell is like?
You just can not reason with unreasonable people. Mom just wants to see her
kids. She loves them all, and she forgets everything they do if they just visit her?
If they deem a person eligible for help with needed services like daycare, then they pick up a percentage of the cost and leave you with a copay determined by your finances. No insurance or Medicare is involved. Because of Mom's condition they just approved her for 4 days instead of 3 each week.
We are very lucky to have a long standing adult daycare in our small town and it is less than a mile from our home. You might want to check for these type agencies in your area. By all means research your grandpa's insurance and see if they will pay for some of the cost. Also, the daycare should be able to help with that information. Good luck!
On SibIings: Sounds like your sister is venting her frustration. My sib's did that often to me. They have a lot of guilt, anxiety, grief, and helpless feelings to deal with. SO DO YOU. Counseling does help. But also realize that at times everyone that's trying to help an ill parent handles it differently. I had sib's that were so awful to me and to our Mom when she was alive. ... and now they regret it.
Pick a time when you are calm and your sib is calm and tell them how much Mom loves them. Tell them how every little thing they do to help... Mom knows it. While your doing that... tell yourself the same. You are doing an awesome job taking care of your Mom. And your Mom feels the love you all have for her even if she cannot express it.
What your doing is beyond exceptional. Your Mom raised you right!
I would start to back away from your sister's drama without causing more and concentrate on arranging mom's care so that you and your brother can have less stress.
Suggest kindly to you sister that she might benefit from some counseling and offer to help her find something suitable.
Limit your contact with Sis. If she calls excessively, not answer all of her calls. Don't engage in her complaints. Change the subject. If she is critical of you or brother (but not offering to help) say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," and move on to another topic.
Your sister cannot handle stress. That may be legitimate. If she has a mental disorder continue to love her and be kind to her, but detach with love. You are not a mental health professional and you can't solve her problems and complaints. You are too busy to give her as much attention as she craves. She is going to have to get her needs met elsewhere. And please keep firmly in you mind that this is Not Your Fault.