Hello, I am one of three siblings taking care of my father. He is at home and is in hospice care. We each take a week to care for him by moving in and being with him. This has been going on for almost a year. My two siblings live close (one 5 minutes away and the other 90 minutes away). I live 600 miles away and have been driving to and from at my own expense. Between gas and tolls I spend over $200 each trip. I feel like I should be reimbursed but my siblings feel that it was my choice to live so far away. Am I being unreasonable? Finances are not an issue for my father. I don't want to cause a family rift but feel like I'm being penalized. Any one else have a similar situation?
If you feel you deserve something for driving 600 miles, then the sibling who drives for 90 minutes should also receive something.
Another alternative might be for you to spend two weeks when you are there which would cut your expenses in half. The other two siblings could still do the one week rotation when you aren't there.
Tell your siblings that you can no longer participate in dad's care unless you are reimbursed for travel and lodging expenses.
Who has POA?
Tell siblings you will have to cut back on visits due to the increasing expenses.
My sister lives 45 minutes away from mom & I have offered her gas reimbursement especially with the cost increasing. Families are selfish. They could at least pay half.
You dont say if you are working or not but I can't imagine driving 600 miles every two weeks for over a year to care for dad who has been on hospice. It is unfair that all siblings are compensated equally when the distance for all three is so drastically different. Unfortunately if your father and other 2 siblings don't see this as unfair at this point they never will.
Oobviously hospice does not mean dying anytime soon as many posters have had a loved one on hospice for a really long time. You don't say what your father's illness is or the level of care required of you for the week you stay with him. Maybe the bigger issue is you are getting burnt out doing this as you never expected it to be ongoing for a year. How long can you continue this back and forth commuting is the bigger question.
In what world is that not fair? In fact, it seems to me that it's really the MOST equitable way of solving this.
OP's costs are being covered by this. Should his SIBLINGS be "punished" because they chose to live closer to dad?
These times are precious and worth every cent. Don’t miss your opportunity to be there because of money.
Your dads assets should reimburse EACH person that is helping to care for him.
Mileage, check the IRS for current rates per mile for reimbursement.
You should each be paid for the care that you are giving. Check your local area for going rates that a caregiver would cost and his assets should be paying you for that as well.
If you happen to have to stay in a hotel during your travel from your home to your dads that should also be reimbursed as well.
And meals as well would be reimbursed.
This is not just for you but for your siblings as well.
OK...that is what I get for not reading all the other comments and posts.
You are being reimbursed. And your siblings are as well,.
I think that the $300 that is being given to each of you is fair. You can ask for a raise. Tell dad that gas used to be $2.29 a gallon it is now $4.20 and the other costs of the car have risen. But if dad does give you a "raise" in fairness he should give your siblings the same raise.
If you wish to reduce your cost rather than go as often as you do to help out take a "shift" from each of your siblings so you do an extra 2 weeks at once. That eliminates several trips for you and cuts costs.
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