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I'm wanting to connect and share with a specific group of people: those who are caregivers living in the elderly loved one's home with them. It seems to be the lesser-chosen scenario.


My husband and I made this move last year, and it has been tricky because his 91-year-old mom still acts like she's able to continue running her home the way she always used to (many weird stories to tell about why she is NOT able to do this...). She can get quite agitated and hostile when confronted with her new normal.


But it seemed like the least disruptive and least expensive way to go. For now, she has a lady who comes in for 5 hours a day and takes care of most of her physical assistance needs. But she can't be left alone. We work from home anyway, so living here lets us work AND keep an eye on her. Also, we don't have to go far (just down the hall) to visit with her. Thankfully, it's a large house and she's been pretty good about respecting our privacy so far.


Would love to hear from others who chose this path. What have been your challenges, solutions, joys, etc.? What's your story?

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Hi there.
Mom and I live together.
We experience many differences in cleaning, sleeping patterns, tv shows, etc.
Having a sitter/companion is a good first step.
I would like to suggest one day per week, when she is allowed to suggest everything and you all follow thru....Household chores, meals, errands, tv shows...
The elderly want to always feel valued in their opinions and independent in having some opportunity to make decisions for those she cares for.
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Welcome. I personally no longer do Caregiving. My Mom lived with me for a while. Living in a split level was not conducive for someone who couldn't do steps. I placed her in an AL where she had more interaction and walked all over the facility. She passed 9/17.

Looks like ur situation is working for now. Others will chime in.
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AuntieAuntie Jun 2019
It is working fairly well now. But the past year has been quite a wrenching transition for all parties, and that's putting it mildly. Another family member gummed things up quite badly for starters... I'll leave it at that.
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It worked for me...but it was a huge challenge.

as dementia progressed, I was constantly being woke up all night long. I rarely got enough sleep! How will this work with you. Being two people, can one take the night shift and then get to sleep the next morning? Cannot figure out how both can work from home....someone is going to be working while completely exhausted. The other is going to be working much less while they run to take care of Mom every 5 minutes.

dementia will not get better. As it progresses she will need round the clock care....don’t count on getting a good nights sleep again.

it worked for me because my parents had paid home health aides that came every day for 6 hours. I didn’t work, so I could sleep those hours..otherwise I would have been dead somewhere.
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shad250 Jun 2019
They can vary work hours; this is one of the benefits from working from home.
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It doesn’t work for me but I’m only one one of many here. I need to take care of my own home and my mother needs to take care of hers. Just the kitchen led to disagreements on the way to wash dishes or placement of food in the refrigerator, how silverware is best organized... I was intruding on her life and her home by being there so yes, she appreciates my help but I need my own home not hers. It will always be hers and it should be. I’ll live nearby not with her, can’t do it. I have my own life to live 😊
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AuntieAuntie Jun 2019
I can definitely identify with the kitchen being the epicenter of disagreements! She keeps trying to ban us to doing all our cooking in the little bar "kitchen" in the back part of the house (no oven/stove, d/w or micro, tiny sink, etc.) Thankfully, my husband is very assertive with his mother and seemingly has endless energy for talking it out with her when these conflicts arise. He takes the lead on this, which is right, as I feel it's not my place to be confronting her about things.

I will say that I am looking forward to having our own house someday. Meanwhile, my hobby is going looky-loo house-shopping on Zillow and Trulia. Haha!
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