My friend is taking care of her dad who is post stroke. She hires caregivers for her while she is working, and gets up three times a night to attend to his needs (including diaper changes). He is ungrateful, abusive and uncooperative. I suggested respite but he refuses to go to a home. What are her options?
How long has your friend being doing this? And what exactly do you mean by "abusive"?
If she has been assigned by her dad as his power of attorney, and if she is providing caregiving in HIS home, she might consider resigning her POA and telling him to make other arrangements for his own care. If he can't understand the need for a break, then she shouldn't tax herself this way. She's likely to die before he does.
Is he still competent to make decisions? Is he a selfish narcissist, or simply someone who has lost capacity? She can get a "needs assessment" from the local Area Agency on Aging; this might clarify for HER how much care he needs.
It really sounds as though he needs round the clock care, which is best done in a good facility. She can then go back to being his loving daughter.