MY 86 YR OLD MOM LIVES ALONE IN SENIOR VILLA NEAR ME. SHE HAS MACULAR DEGENERATION BUT RELATIVELY HEALTHY CONSIDERING. I TAKE CARE OF ALL THE USUAL THINGS..SHOPPING,CLEANING,DR APPTS,ETC..BUT SHE WANTS TO BE ENTERTAINED TOO, DAILY, OR SHES SO BORED. I ALSO HAVE A SON IN A WHEELCHAIR THAT I CONSIDER MY PRIORITY. SHE HAS A NEGATIVE PERSONALITY AND WE HAVE NEVER BEEN CLOSE. (I AM TOO MUCH LIKE MY FATHER, WHO LEFT HER 50 YRS AGO AND SHE HAS NEVER FORGIVEN HIM). FEELING GUILTY THAT I HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME WANTING TO BE AROUND HER! I HAVE TRIED TO GET HER INVOLVED IN CHURCH AND OTHER ACTIVITIES BUT SHE FINDS FAULT WITH EVERYTHING. ANY SUGGESTIONS???!
I had the same problem with my Mother. She expected me to provide everything for her, and no one can do this, no one. It takes a team of people like the teams found in a good caregiving facility, independent living, assisted living, whatever. But, I tried to do all for a while because it was her wish to stay in her own home until the end. But it just wore me out and badly affected my health. When she fell, and I couldn't get her back up and had to call 911 have two burly guys pick her up, I knew the change point had been reached. She now won't be able to stay in her home as she wanted--mainly because she would not do her exercises to keep her physical abilities up so she can function unless I stood right there every day and did all the exercises with her. This is all about just wanting constant attention. Can't do it! Not with all the other necessary duties I have to do to take care of her. So, when she was transferred to a rehab facility, instead of feeling guilty for not being able to keep her at home as she wished, I was SO RELIEVED! She has physical therapy, meals in the dining room with other seniors, all kinds of activities, movies, etc, and she is happier (but doesn't realize it yet). This is the kind of stimulating environment that she needs. But, she still is focused on "when will I be able to go home?"
I mention this because I'm in tatters and now have time to build myself back up to good health (which I had before starting caregiving) because I don't want you to allow yourself to get to this miserable point.
Sometimes, for our own sanity and to keep our focus for many responsibilities, we have to turn a "deaf ear" to minor complaints, like "boredom."
"Madeaa" your comment about them "getting out of the house to bitch together" cracked me up. Thanks, I needed that chuckle.
I also know that I cannot change my Mom. What I CAN change is how I process all the shit she puts on my plate. It's what I can control. And If I can just not absorb all her shit and complaining, I'll have a better day. It's kind of a survival technique and easier said than done. But if you focus, you can do it. Keep us posted and yes, pray from STRENGTH!!
xo
-SS
Stay strong. Don't feel guilty. Really.
xo
-SS
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