I don't care for mom full time but stay overnight once a week and work four days a week. Thankfully she is happy having another caregiver from an agency take other days.
I have fibromyalgia and pay the price if I do too much in one day. I am usually exhausted after being there for two days. Tonight I have a commitment to a bible study and know I should go but my body and mind are saying sloowww down. Now I feel guilty. Unproductive I know.
Even part time caregiving takes a lot out of me....anyone out there with a chronic illness like mine and trying to balance caregiving with it and trying to maintain friendships too? Thanks.
Some day I hope to have good friends around me, when I'm healed and energized and I'm ready to put in the energy/time that sustaining friendships takes...now, I'm just too damn worn out. It took a long lot of years to get to this point, where my energy is so depleted. It's going to take a long time to get it back. Care givers need time to come back to themselves, to who they are, because a huge part of ourselves is suppressed and lost in being a care giver...it's all about the patient most of the time, every day. It takes it toll. No wonder people are exhausted and worn down and don't feel like doing a damn thing else but resting and sleeping...who can blame them if they've lived this situation themselves? Outsiders that never have couldn't even begin to grasp what a care takers life is like and what kind of constant energy it takes on a daily basis just to care for our charges like we do, let alone find the energy to want to get dressed up and do something besides grab any opportunity to sleep and rest.... Someday, maybe. Now? No way.
Thanks everyone for your posts. We will keep each other afloat with this site. It's great!
I knew I should get out more but balancing my health with caregiving left little time or desire to get out and see friends. I made attempts to keep in touch with folks and when my daughter was in highschool she was involved in all kinds of activities that forced me to be with other people. But taking care of my dad and taking care of myself left me with little to contribute to a social situation. I had nothing to converse about, I had no life and it was embarrassing to be out and about and have absolutely nothing to offer.
Friendships have to be maintained and cultivated, tended to, and I didn't have the energy to put in the time. My dad didn't realize how much work he was so if I did go to dinner with a friend he was very supportive and told me I should do that more often. However, coming home to find him laying on the floor for hours after falling was not conducive to a healthy social life.
I have pushed myself so much on my life - mentally and physically, and have decided I have to be more careful about that. I don't mean "stretching" yourself in a healthy fashion, but pushing yourself too hard in a way that is not good for you.
Have you heard of the 50% solution for FM? It says do 1/2 as much as you think you can, and let the other 1/2 of that energy heal you. I have found it useful, and pace myself better now.
Forums like this have offered me invaluable opportunities to interact with others on a meaningful way, I have a few girlfriends who live at a distance and we talk on the phone, I do travel a little with sig other on business and vacations, and make no excuses for staying in bed or resting while we are away, if I need to. Fortunately he is pretty self sufficient. I see my g'kids once in a while and not for long as they are very energetic, I travel to mother's city to visit her once in a while, but keep it short and manageable.as she causes a lot of stress (BPD and narcissism). I do what I think is useful for her and ignore a lot of her complaints. Part of it for me was accepting that I could not do what I used to. I am aging too, as we all are, and that makes a difference, and we have to make adjustments without guilt. It is what it is. Feel good that you can do as much as you do! (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))