The last 10 years have been very had my husband's alcoholism became dementia and Alzheimer's. How can somebody hate you and love you at the same time? Jealous of any interaction I have with my grandchildren, so basically I can’t have a life anywhere, only with him. Who doesn’t like to talk to me who doesn’t like to bathe who doesn’t like to eat but loves to belittle me on a regular basis. I am toast and I am seeking help. Can someone guide me into a direction? I’m really not sure how much longer I can keep him home with me. Do I contact a lawyer? His union attorney?
No, you do not use a Union attorney. You need an elder attorney well versed in Medicaid. You can have your assets split. You spent down his split and then apply for Medicaid. At that time, you become the Community Spouse being able to stay in the house and have a car. This is just basic info, a lawyer can explain more fully.
If your husband has dementia then he needs to be placed in care facility appropriate for his needs.
At this point your marriage is pretty much over. Now all you are to him is a servant that he can abuse and belittle. That's not a marriage.
You don't have to live with that. Pay his jealousy no mind whatsoever. Walk away. Unless you have legal POA or guardianship over your husband, you are not legally reponsible for him.
Would it be possible for you to stay with your adult kids or your grandkids (I don't know if they're grown or not because you don't say) until you husband is placed?
Can you go to a friend's or a relative's home temporarily?
Put in a call to APS and tell them your husband is an at-risk, vulnerable adult with alcoholic dementia that is abusive and you refuse to continue putting yourself in danger trying to be his caregiver. Tell them that you believe yourself and others to be in possible danger because of his abuse, alcoholism, and mental incompetency.
I guarantee you that APS will act if you tell them this.
They (APS) will have him declared incompetent and he will be placed in a care facility.
You as a legal spouse may not have to sell your house to get him placed. The people at Medicaid are understanding and the rules are not unreasonable. Often a spouse is allowed to remain in the home after the other has been placed in care. They will also leave a spouse enough to live on and let them own a single car.
They do however regroup money after the spouse at home passes away. So there isn't inheritance for adult kids and grandkids.
I'm sure your kids and grandkids would rather have you around safe, sound, and have you continue living in abuse.
Please call your kids and APS today. God bless and good luck.