I had to set up new account due to passwords not matching up. Previous screen name was Diannekk. Anyhow, no one will probably remember me because I haven't posted or replied in forever. No time. Not for myself or a support forum. Just at wits end. Caring for 68 yo mom with lung disease. She has been hospitalized 3 times this year for lung infections. Plus has fell a few times. Its one thing after another & I'm going to be honest. I feel done with the situation. Just done. I've fell into a deep depression, which I'm working through with help from zoloft but all I want is MY life back. I'd love to have a break also. No vacay in 4 yrs now due to her health. I just wonder if it ever gets easier. I won't be able to tolerate this deal much longer & I feel zero guilt for approaching the time to place her in a SNF. I tried to get hospital to send her to rehab last time but they were zero help. If and when she falls again is when she will go to rehab and I plan to do placement at that time. I have given my life up and I'm ready to reclaim it. Any thoughts tips or advice? A person knows how much they can personally withstand and I am there. I want to be a daughter again and still caregive from distance but my whole life on hold is ridiculous. My mother didn't do this. Why am I in a neverending situation?
Start the process to place your mother now. Apply for Medicaid if necessary. Get POA if you don’t already have it. Start touring facilities. Speak with her doctors for a referral stating that she needs more care than you can provide. Turn your feelings of hopelessness into being proactive about changing your situation. Good luck. Come back and tell you how you’re doing.
But wanted to say, you don't come across as harsh at all -- you come across as tired and worn out from this, and that's real and ok. Keep coming back here when you get time, and soak up the encouragement of everyone's stories and advice. You said it yourself, we know how much we can take. And honestly, it seems like once we say we are at the end of our rope . . . . . we were really at the end of our rope some time ago.
{{{hugs}}} to you, it's hard, and lonely, and you are not imagining that at all!!
Thank u:)😊😘😇
You are caring for your Mum, who lives at XXX Hall/Home/Manor.
Still caring, just differently. A new chapter.
Less physical hands-on caring but eventually, once the burnout subsides, a cheerful loving daughter to be a very welcome visitor. And steps towards your own life plans for yourself.
You've ready for this new path. All the best.
But note the stress does not end with nursing homes. You have to visit and very often, preferably daily. They still will fall, and they can easily get infection from other patients. However, if you are unable to manage her bowels and bladder, which it will become (my mom forgot how to bear down. I have to use enemas otherwise she will get impacted), you are better off putting her in a nursing home. However, nursing homes do not always keep tabs when their last bowel movement was...or they can get c. diff and superbugs from the other patients. Happens a lot in institutionalized care.
Hospitals and nursing homes are very dangerous places. If your mom is still cognizant in any way, all you will hear is she will want to go home. You will have to live with a lot of guilt.
Theres no question of your love for your mother. But, you also need to love yourself as well. Start looking for placement for her now. And come back often with updates.
JLJMT
Blessings for being a good daughter !!!