Father-in-law is constantly confrontational?

JessieBelle~I (personally) believe it's a bit of both. I realize that this can't be easy on him, watching his father "going" the way he is. I've had compassion for all the "twists/turns" this has taken for year's now. I've tried, to be supportive, kind, loving, understanding & doing the very best I'm capable to do for his father. I told him (tonight) he needs more than what I can do. I again, suggested assisted living place for his father, saying it would be so much (more) benificial than what I'm doing. I said that they're trained & understand the "full spectrum" of this terrible disease his father has. I also mentioned, maybe they would be able to "motivate" him to do, some thing, that he enjoys doing. Again, it was said, "I'm not placing my father into a nursing home;period."

I'm not worried about being homeless, I've been there & done that within my life. However, what I am concerned about, is the toll(s) all of this has taken on my own health. Four packs a day, isn't "heart healthy." Nor is the fact, that I'm always stressed out. The combination of things, well, I'm just "inviting" a heartattack.

I will, as of Monday, start finding out what my (own) legal options are. It's time for me to "take the bully by the horns" & start moving forward with my own life. One can't stay in this kind of enviroment for the duration of whatever's left of my own life. I am, like any one else, entitled to live life, enjoy it, & be happy. Since that's "not an option" within my own current "statis" it's time to "adjust" a few things. I know, deep within my heart, his father's still here, because of all the care I've done for him throughout the year's. Now it's time for me to care about myself & my life.

For legal aide. It's ironic you mentioned that. I called a place, awhile back, & they were booked for a very long time. I guess I'm not the only one that needs to "break the chains" in their own life. I will keep moving forward in the meanwhile.

I wish Legal Aid didn't have such a heavy workload already. You sure could use their help. I know that money is tight.

I do understand. Your husband is endangering your welfare if you don't do things his way. It is his way or the highway. This is a truly sad way to treat your wife. Do you think he is using you? Or do you think that he is also at wit's end about his father? If you think that he is using you and there is no love anymore, it is time for you to take care of yourself. Don't just pick up and leave, because you have interest in your marital assets. Consult with an attorney before making any moves unless you feel you are in danger. In your position I may play cool for a few days and try to squirrel away some assets. You are in a very vulnerable place. Whatever you do, be sure to look out for what is best for you. You will know what that is, I'm sure. I know that no one here wants to see you end up without a home. Time to lawyer up without telling your husband, so you can get some advice.

So, tonight I informed my husband (FIL's son) that I'm just unable to do this any longer for his father any longer. I was informed/told, that I best file for divorce then. He added, that IF we're not in this together, then we don't need to be together.

This kind of treatment is exact what I've been enduring throughout this (entire) time of his father's illness. I mentioned this, only because I truly want people to understand I'm not just "whining to whine nor complaining to complain." To me, my interpretation of this, is more like "hanging things over my head." So long as I'm here to be the one taking care of what he should be doing. I hope people have a more "defined understanding" of what I'm enduring.

I AM grateful to the people that have stuck all this nonsense out with me. Sometimes, we just need a "push into a brick wall" to see what we're missing out on in life & how little it comes as a "cost" to someone else;their life. I have taken much of the costs from my own life, to do/save another's life. Now that he's "healthier" than he used to be, it's now MY time to enjoy whatever's left of my own life.

I deeply thank & appreciate the people, on this board, that supported me, when things were at their worst. Sometimes, just having people to empathize with you, understand, & give you (your) life a direction, is all that's "required.I guess, even with all the up's & down's in life, there's still (some) people left that "get it" when it comes to another's life, what their enduring, or just being kind enough to listen/offer support.

The journey is long, but we pave our own paths, when someone else tires to "redirect" our own. Yes, I will (still) need support, because this has just started. However, I know I CAN do this, because I realize that I do have it. Thank you isn't nearly enough of an 'expression' I can use/say to the people here. Even with the "rough comments," they were just trying to help me "pave a better path" for not only my life, but most importantly...myself.

JessieBelle~You're right. His son wants to do as little as possible for him, but "take" all the benifits. I actually, today, started seeing what's avaible for a place to live. I've decided, enough is enough of this constant nonsense. I'm a person, first & foremost. I shouldn't have to be forced (like some kind of caged animal) to take care of someone else's responsiblity. They, his son & his father will need to handle this on their own.

That is so right. Your husband may be caught up in sentimentality, but he's not contributing to it in any great measure. Maybe you could suggest selling your own home and moving into the childhood home. I bet that also gets a huge No. In the future, the old home may be more of a problem. Since it isn't your FIL's primary residence, it isn't an exempt asset for Medicaid coverage and maybe even the VA -- not sure how that works. Having the house setting there empty would be a huge worry to me and a major drain of resources. Everyone in the world grew up somewhere. We have to let our childhood go at some time in life or we get stuck. Sounds like your husband is stuck and depending a lot on you so he doesn't have to take action. I feel a bit sorry for him, but know he's the only one who can get himself out of the situation that all of you are currently in. The only other scenario I could see is for you to find a source of income and leave the father and the son to work it out between them after you move to your new place.

JessieBelle~I'm (seriously) tearing up with your reply. Thank you for (truly) understanding & comprehending the sitatiuon as it is within reality. Furthermore, you mentioning he's acting like a bully is truly on the money;honestly.

The FIL house has been discussed many, many times. I've been told not to even discuss it as an option, because it's not going to happen;period. For all intensive purposes, at least my thinking that is, the house IS vacant/abandoned. I get, "that's my childhood home," as a reason he refuses to sell the property. To me, it's better to sell & have the monies for care for his father, then keeping a property that he won't be living in nor going back to;ever again. Of course, that would mean that I would be free of this. Gosh forbid that "make sense" to him. To me, it's all about him keeping his father here, his house "avaible," & the monetary aspect of thing for his son. Plus, as mentioned, I'm always around. So, no need for unnecessary expensive care, which is nursing home/assisted living. Again, that would be something that would "make sense," in my thinking.

I have no doubts within my mind, he would do better, because they're professional people & know what the heck they're doing. I do a lot of reading & research. That doesn't qualify me for round the clock care of person with his father's health/mental condition(s). These people, that work at one, wouldn't be the only one, 24 hours a day & 7 day's a week caring for him. I AM that person now. His son does little to help/assist his father, which only makes things more difficult for myself. Just like his son sitting on the paper work for getting him into the VA hospital 3 day's a week. He's making more & more excuse why he's not getting "motivated" on doing it. That's what I live with. One excuse after another. IF I don't handle it/do things, his father would have passed, many year's ago, because his own son couldn't see how (seriously) ill he was at that time. Makes one wonder, at least myself it does.

For what happened to his mother. She had asked him, unknowingly to him, before the next day she passed away, to go back home. I'm sure, yes, there's some remorse about not doing what she wanted/her final request. However, that's been over 20 year's ago. I can be told to let go of past issues, I find it "difficult" to comprehend why he's not unable to? The care his father would recieve, would be much greater/better than what I can do personally for him. Especially now, that he's starting to refuse to do what's asked by myself.

He's not going to change or "shape up" any time with any/all of this. It's just time, that I start checking out what can be done or what's avaible to be done for his father. Yet again, I'm the one that has to do something. However, me doing something is going to amount in a huge "fall out" with him. Personally, it's time for me to live my life, enjoy my granddaughter, & quit being so dang miserable on a daily basis. After all, we only get one ride on life. Why should I be forced to live my own life, behind walls?

Fustrated, you're in a corner that many caregivers find themselves in. If you were rich or working, you could just walk out of the corner. You join the many caregivers who can't just walk out. Plus, there is the feeling of responsibility -- like you've accepted a job and you don't want to quit before it's time.

One tact you can try is talk to your husband about unburdening yourselves of your FIL's house. At the moment, the thing is just an albatross you don't need. Why would your husband want to keep it, instead of selling it? It doesn't seem wise to pay taxes and insurance on an abandoned house. At your FIL's stage of dementia, he is not going to be going back home.

And your FIL can use that money to go into AL or a NH later. Your husband feels all this guilt about having his mother in a NH. If you had been around, chances are you would have kept her at home, since FIL apparently wan't able to do it. From what you wrote, FIL was capable at that time.

Your husband may not think that your FIL will enjoy life in a NH, but I have a feeling that he'll get better care there in his last days. It is almost impossible for one woman to take care of an incontinent man with advanced dementia. Your house does not sound like the place he should be with the stairs and slick floors. Maybe you can talk to your husband about planning for the future by getting rid of that house and realizing that his father can't stay in your house forever.

I can tell that you see your husband and his father as each other's family. You call them the father and the son, instead of husband and FIL. I thought maybe you were talking about people I had missed when I was reading. Then I realized you weren't. You're just invisible in this situation.

Now a little truth -- your hubby is a dodo head for wanting to keep a house you don't need. He's also unrealistic to think that your job is to cover up for some misplaced guilt he felt because his mother asked him one time to go home. Caregivers and NH places here that request multiple times every day. Personally, I don't believe your husband feels so guilty. I think he's just manipulating a soft-hearted person who doesn't have her own paycheck. I think your husband needs a hard swift kick in his backside. He's acting like a bully with no respect for your life. He needs to shape up and get your back on this thing. Isn't that what husbands are supposed to do?

blannie~You concluded that I'm only venting;nothing more. I thought this site was for support? To me, supporting someone can take on different facets of one's life. Maybe I misunderstood what this place is truly for? Yes, I do need to vent. I believe, at one point in time in anyone's life, that we all need a "sounding board." Does it make me feel better, that I'm on a site, with complete stranger, that are giving me their vaulable time? Yes! I (deeply) appreciate their time, their kind words of support, & any/all suggestion they give/offer me. I didn't ask for any/all of this to be imposed, pushed, or brought into my life. What I have done, is the (very) best to save another person's life & have been "held responsible" to (now) care for his life.

Saying that I'm the one that needs counseling to break free, might be a good avenue to travel down, IF I had the monies to do so. Since I don;t have the resources for that, again, I came to this site. The self-imposed mental jail, is the one that I'm being forced to endure on a daily basis. It's truly not because I choose it to be this way. Truth be told, it's because it's the reality of my life.

I appreciate your posting in all sincerity. Thank you.

I have concluded that Frustrated is just venting - I don't think she has the mental fortitude to change her situation, no matter how much advice we give her. For every suggestion, she's got a "Yes, but" answer.

So Frustrated, I wish you the support (that you would need to get from counseling) to enable you to break free from the self-imposed mental jail cell that you have put yourself in. Only you can unlock the door...we can't do it for you no matter how many suggestions we make.

If you want to vent, that's great, just tell us you're venting and we'll empathize, but not try to "fix" your situation, because you're apparently unable to take any action to change your situation. We're "fixers" on these boards, unless you tell us you're just venting.

Why do you think you would be held responsible if something happened to your father in law? Are you his guardian? Has he been declared incompetent in court?

Just curious, but if your husband works 4 - 12 hour shifts, where does he go the other 3 days of the week.? If he is out with his buddies....I would make papa poopy pants a sack lunch and SEND HIM ALONG!

Really, you should totally DISAPPEAR on the day or days your husband is not working. Find a library, park, bowling alley, garage sale to vanish in for an afternoon. Go find one of those beauty academies where the students cut, color, manicure you for a few dollars...spend all day!

Forgive me for being flip.....but you can break out of this prison. You have to decide you are worth it.

Babalou~I got (lol) what you're saying. However, it's just not that cut & dry. My husband doesn't care & he leaves EVERY day, knowing that I'm exhusted from doing this. IF I do not care for his father, then something (seriously) could happen in my home. I've got stairs & slippery flooring. I will NOT be charged with neglect of an elderly person. Yes, that's how serious this situation is. Just because my husband wants to keep it all. All this WILL (eventually) catch up to me & then he'll be forced to do what he doesn't want to do...now. His mother passed away in a nursing home, so he refuses to do anything (close) to putting his own father in one. It's just another reason, he's forcing his father's care upon myself.

You're correct in saying, that he needs 24 hours of care. However, again, I'm the "cheaper chicken" to do it. It cost nothing to have me do it & his son keeps everything. His dad also has round the clock care, because I'm disabled & always home.

It's unavoidable to not be in the same room as him, since the downstairs has everything. There's no TV in his room nor food/refrigerator, & no bed. He falls or something else happens, I'm the one going to answer for anything. Not his son. That's more reality of things. That's WHY I'm exhusted, from year's of caring for him, especially since he's been at our home for the last 8 almost 9 months. I get people saying that they feel sorry for my husband, because he works 12 hours (3 to 4 days) a week. No one "feels sorry" for me doing all the work, care, maintance on his father. What a back-butt world we exist in & that's my opinion.

Frustrated, i guess you're not hearing what I'm saying.

What authority does your husband have to "make" you watch his father?

Seriously.

Just go out and take a walk. Or go in another room and read a book.

If the man needs 24/7 supervision, he shouldn't be in someone's home without 3 shifts of caregivers.

You can only change YOUR behavior. Stop being in the same room with him.

Got it?

Babalou~I truly & honestly would like that. In reality he's unable to be left alone for an extended period of time. My husband doesn't give me any kind of options. He leaves in the morning & that's the "end of the discussion." No matter how much I continually tell him, he's too much for me, the next day, it's the same routine. It's like he's (my husband) "deaf" to what I'm telling him. I'm made to care for him during the day, because he has no one else to watch him. I'm truly feeling like I'm "behind bars" within my own life. I've lost, the only person I had for a friend, my husband, while he says he cares, doesn't really care & that shows daily to myself, My freedom's been "removed" from my life, my daughter isn't letting me see my granddaughter very much nor watch her hardly, I had (only) 1 day with her this week. Everything & everyone's "moving away" from my life & there's nothing I can do. It's very hard, saying the least.

So, you take your granddaughter out for a walk. Who says you need to supervise him every minute? Is that your responsibility? Who says? Are you his legal guardian? No, you're not.

You fix him a meal, a snack, you turn on TV for him. Interact with him as little as possible. Say, "I'm taking Little One out to the playground; I'll be back in an hour". And leave. Is that something that you can do?

HappyCityLady~I need advice, guidance, & suggestions to get me through this. I also need, a ton of support. I can't keep doing this forced care for him. My husband refuses to see my point of view(s) when it comes to his father. He only has to "deal" with his father, for less than a few hours a day, before it's time for him to go to sleep for the night. It's "easy" to tell someone that he's "not that difficult to deal with," when you don't "deal" with him, as I do, for hours/days/weeks/months/years on end. His son (my husband) doesn't do enough for his father & I'm doing too much. Yes, I'm overwhelmed with him & the day's I have my granddaughter. I can't even take my granddaughter for a walk, because I'm unable to leave his father unattended & he can't walk that far/much.

I guess, in all reality, I have is this forum. The (very last) person that I did (some) social things with, just told me (tonight) she can't deal with me any longer, because I "complain too much" & she isn't able to deal with the "rollercoaster" that I'm on. She said, since I've had to care for his father, my attitude(s) have changed;for the worse. It was the (most) difficult pill, for myself to swallow. Caring for his life, has "crashed" my life;completely. This place, in all honesty, is the only thing that keeps me going.

I truly appreciate this place, the people, & the support more than words can say,

Frustrated, I'm giving this one more shot. You DON'T have to leave. Just stop doing anything/everything for FIL.

The only thing you can change in this equation is your behavior. So just stop doing things for him.

If you feel obligated, make food and put it on the table,and announce the meal. Then go read a book in another room.

Stop enabling everyone's denial and bad behavior.

Fustrated lets say for giggles you went to a shelter. And for laughs they have people and programs there to help you fix your life. Or maybe, I think, this fourm is your solution and I mistook your post as cry for help. The "Caregiver" in me wanted so much to see you safe and happy that I (my fault) started trying to help "fix" it. I'm so grateful for this entire site and comforted by this fourm. I'm sadden by some post I laugh out loud at others. Most if all i feel like I am apart of a social circle again. So I apologize to you Fustrated. I didnt recognize maybe all you need was our (people on this fourm) support. And trust me, you have mine.👼

HappyCityLady~I did that already. Only option avaible for me, homeless shelter. However, that means that I can't help my daughter (who's pregnant) with her 2nd child (due in less than a few months) & watch the current one for her. It's a double-edge sword I'm facing. IF I didn't have to watch the grandchild, then it would be a easy answer...leave this nonsense. That's ALL the options I have. I have no friends/family, so that's something that isn't able to be an option. The irony of all this...I used to tell my daughter there's always an option. That's not the case for myself. My daughter has no one else avaible to watch her daughter on a consistant basis. Her father's already told her, he will not watch both children for her. I'm supposed to take my grandchild, at a moments notice, because she could go early. That's the reality of her being pregnant & due soon.

For telling the husband. I've already told him, for months now, I can't keep doing this for his father. Every day he leaves for work & I've gotta care for him. Remember, I'm the cheap, easy, & always avaible option. Why would you "ship him out" any place else that would cost any monies? Reminds me of the old saying, "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?" I'm being "milked for free." That's it in a nutshell. I'm beyond fustrated at this point in time with the lack of consideration twords my life & what I need.

Thank you, as always, for you support & your suggestions. *hugs*

Fustrated, maybe I wasnt clear when I suggested you stop doing everything....just stop. Sit down, all alone, by yourself. Breath for two minutes, maybe have a cup of tea, glass of wine or a good cry. Exhale....inhale. Think seriously about your life. What is your life, honestly? Why are you so miserable? Now if your answer is ...lets say money, the solution would be how can I fix my problem. If your problem is ....lets say your husband, the solution will still be HOW CAN I FIX MY PROBLEM? You cant make anyone change( not gonna happen EVER!) So when I suggested you write down what your problem/s is/are then ask yoursrlf "How can i fix it?" Maybe therapy, or talking with an attorney, or staying with friens a few days etc...
Write down what you can do immediately. Then TELL your husband YOUR plan. I was not saying talk with him (youve already been there done that). I read these post and I carry you (and others) with me all day.I think about and pray for so many of us on this site. I also thank God for this place, it comforts me. I wish you all the best.
Somtimes Fustrated, we have to rescure ourself and be our own Shero.

It's been a rough (putting it mildly) couple of weeks. I've asked my husband, repeatedly to "change" this situation. He has had paperwork, for his father, to get into the VA hospital for over 3 weeks now. All he keeps saying is that he can't find his Military card & needs to search his house for it. However, that's followed by more reasons why he's unable. His father, is becoming (much) worse with myself. He refuses to do anything (any more) that's requested of him, when I'm the one asking him to do it. His "game playing mode" is also becoming worse. He acts (with me only) like he can't hear what I'm saying/asking him. However, his son asks/requests things, he does it. Furthermore, he just told his son, last week, that I starved him for 2 day's. I've had to take pictures of me feeding him & him eating. My husband told me, he knows I'm not starving him, but yet I (now) need to feed him more often. His dad's eating, every 2 hours as it is. I also told his son, that I'm having his father do something (ie...making a sandwich) for himself. However, that was met with I just need to provide everything for him. I put everything out for him, so it's easier for him. All he's doing is either sleeping, eating, or just sitting. In my way of thinking, that's not keeping "his body in motion" when he's sitting around. I keep trying to get him, outside, for some fresh air & sun light. He fights me, the majority of the times. Maybe I'm wrong for wanting to do something more for him, besides "enable" him to sit around all of the time?

His father's gotten to the point, where he's telling me, he doesn't have to listen to me, what I ask him to do, or anything else I ask of him. To me, I'm fighting a battle I'm not going to win. All I keep wanting to do, is have his father keep his body in motion, so that he doesn't develope any problems with circulation. Walking, with his walker, for a few minutes at a time, I feel it keeps things "moving" with his body. I'm not having him exhust himself, nor am I asking him to walk for an extended period of time. Just a few times, within an hour, just to keep him going. Maybe I'm incorrect with my thinking?

Sadly, I realize that I don't think I'm helping him any more. I keep telling my husband, that he needs more assistance, but he tells me to keep doing what I'm doing. I keep feeling like this is a forced imprisionment, with taking care of his father. Yesterday, was the first time, in an extremely long time, that I got to leave the house. While I was only gone for 1 hour or less, for once, felt like I was a human being. Though it was shortly lived. I did, while I was out, take my blood pressure & it's up, as is my smoking. I don't understand why his son is "blind" to how exhusted I've become? His dad needs more, so much more, than I can offer to him or seem to help him as he declines. All I want is for his father to live, have & enjoy whatever life he's got left. I apparently am not helping him & I'm tired of feeling terrible every day.

Babalou~Mine tells me, go talk to someone, it might help. However, in the same breath, he also says, no one's going to be able to help (a psycho nut) like myself. He also tells me "I'm a rollercoaster ride, that no one will (ever) want." His son's doing (less than) 3% of what his dad's care is. It's "easy" (my opinion) to "run your mouth" when you're doing diddly~squat to help your own father out. I will also mention this. I will (first) state this. He told me, it's "cheaper to shoot me, than to divorce me." As he says he's just joking around about it. That's been mentioned more than once however. To me, it's not a joking kind of thing. To me, it's like being a caged animal for his father/himself. IF I would leave, they're both in for a reality check. I can't do too much, due to my own health. I have health issues, that require medications, that are too expensive on my own. I feel trapped, without having (my own) family to turn to for help. I dispise being treated like I'm a "animal on display," for the sake of someone else, that's too dang lazy to do what's right/correct/necessary for his own father. Furthermore, I just got hit with our house being up for foreclosure tonight. So, that would mean I would be forced to move into his dad's house, with his in HORRIFIC shape/condition. It's not an exaggeration, by any means of the word. That's where all my "problems" are. I'm always feel forced to do what someone else wants/needs me to do, for the sake of keeping a roof over my head. The "shape" I'm in, health wise, doesn't help me out either. It's like a double-edge sword. I would be out on the streets;honestly.

I've spoken to a divorce lawyer, more than a few times (different one's). They want, $2,500.00 as a retainer & then of course, the costs mount after that. IF I'd do it myself, I'd still need one, I was told (several times) due to the length I've been married & what I would be "entitled" too. I just have no place to go, no family, & really no monies to "accomplish" what I truly want/need to do for myself. I live, dirt poor, so I'm accustome to that. It's finding a solution that I seem to "hit a brick wall." I'm (legally) disabled on top of everything else. That's how (serious) my health is. I'm elated (truly) that things worked out for you. *hug*

You know frustrated, my abusive ex used to taunt me about going to therapy... "you have to PAY for someone to listen to you whine". He said that if i was "normal", id have friends i could talk to.

A therapist is not a friend. A mental health professional has resources and techniques that you can learn that can help you develop new habits of mind, new responses to stressors and new ways of thinking about your situation.
One of the hallmarks of depresion is the fact that your thought process goes around in a circle. There is no solution to the problem in sight.

Amazingly, at least for me, after a month on antidepressants and therapy, there seemed to be no end to the solutions i could see!

I was convinced that i couldnt afford to get divorced, that id end up on the street. You know what? I'm not rich, but im okay. I have a fufilling job, a pension in my future and retirement savings.

Ghosts from my childhood said that divorcees were poor and desperate. I'm here to tell you that's not true.

Babalou~I know that his father will out live myself. That's the reality of what I face;personally. My health isn't well. I have COPD & with smoking (more) it's really taken (a more serious) turn for the worst. For the "joint" things. We have nothing that's joint between us. I (on purpose) many year's ago, kept it all seperate. A divorce lawyer costs monies, which I truly don't have. Yes, I could go into a woman's shelter. However, my daughter's currently expecting & already has 1 (under the age of 2) that I watch. She'd be "up the creek" if I did that to her.

Therapist suggestion. I've considered that option. However, due to the (extreme) amount of stress that I'm under, it probally wouldn't be the "best idea" for myself. I don't care to "discuss" things with someone that is just paid to listen. While that's my opinion, it's truly how I feel. I apprecaite everything though. Thank you. (hug)

You do realize, don't you, that when his father dies, your husband will discard you for a newer, healthier model?

Do you have a joint checking account? Get yourself a divorce lawyer, sue for divorce and half the assets. I'd move to a woman's shelter before I'd allow myself to be abused the way you are allowing yourself to be.

A less drastic alternative? Find yourself a therapist who can see you in the evenings when husband is home.

HappyCityLady~First off, thank you very much for your posting. (hug)

For my husband & discussing anything. He doesn't want to hear what I'm telling him. Writing it down, sadly, won't make a difference. I do appreciate (honestly) the suggestion though & thank you. It's not really about his dad, in my opinion. It's about all he stands to lose IF he would have to go, lets say, into a nursing home. Why pay thousands of dollars a month, have a trained staff who's qualified to care for him, when you can "get the milk from the cow for free." It's pretty much the reality of what I deal with. He knows I won't neglect his father, even if it hurts my own health. That way, he gets everything & has to sacifice nothing. He doesn't "lose" his father, his house, his money, or anyting else for that matter. I'm (my opinion only here) am disposeable. He doesn't care, truly, what all this is & has done to me/my health. All he cares about, is what he can keep & not have to pay for. He's saved thousands upon thousands of dollars, by having me do everything for his father. Even when I've discussed/talked to him, he doesn't want to hear how exhusted I am or anything for that matter. I'm talking to a brick wall. He's not going to budge on what he wants;period.

This past week's been a week I can't begin to explain. I've tried, repeatedly to get his son to fill out the paperwork from the VA hospital. At very least, I'll get a few day's & hours of "down time" for myself. The paper work arrived, the 17th of this month. What's my husband done? He's sat on it, like he does with (everything) else his father should have/needs to have. I've asked him, more than a handful of times, to at least start to fill it out, but that requests has fallen on deaf ears. The answer I get, "yeah, I'll get to it." That answer (really) means, he has NO intentions of doing so, just trying to "pacify" me with a "stupid answer he thinks I'll buy." Reality is simply this. His father's become (much) worse with me, over the course of the last week. He refuses to do, even the most simple of things he's asked to do. Then, he's been more confrontational about things as well. He's even hit me, a few times. I've explained to his son (my husband) I can't do this any more. He's becoming a bit too unpredictable with his moods/behaviours. What's his son (my husband) do you ask? He continues to force him upon me. Everything has become a "battle" with what I ask for, when it comes to what his father needs. To add more "fuel to the fire," he's also been acting like he can't hear me. His hearing is fine. You can tell this, because when his son asks him something, he has NO problem(s) either replying or doing what's asked;the first time around.

Finally, the "straw that broke" was today. His dad confessed that he enjoys playing games with me. That would be lying about things, to not only other people, but to his own son. Things like I'm not feeding him, changing him, or anything else for that matter come to think about it. He told me, straight out, that he doesn't want to go back to his house & live alone. He also mentioned, he doesn't want me as his son's wife, followed by, he ONLY wants it to be him & his boy as he said. Now, that explains a TON of things he's doing/has done;intentionally. The reality of this ENTIRE situation has "run its course" with me. I have to do everything, because his son refuses to or just won't. I also have to take care of this house, the lawn, & dishes/cooking. One person is NOT capable of constantly running themselves down, without consequences with their health. I'm "breaking" due to no help/assistance from his son. My weight has dropped, something terrible the last week. I do not sleep well on top of everything else. I truly wish I had my own family. I could pack my things, have a place to live, & file for divorce. Alas, that's not the reality of my life.This HAS taken a (massive) toll on my life, my health, & over all attitude in life. Yet, his son cares less. I know he doesn't "care" about his dad or he would be doing something to help him & myself. He refuses to do what's right/correct. I can't keep taking this kind of "beating" on a daily basis. My body's exhusted as is my heart/mind/soul.

Forcing the care of your father upon your wife, that does have (serious) health issues, isn't going to end well for myself. I know I sound selfish saying this, but it's the truth. IF something happens to me, there's no one else to care for me. Starting to (really) think, that's what (my husband's) hoping for. He's run me down, so far into the ground, I can't even get a root canal done, because I'm too dang exhusted. On top of the fact, he says he has no time left at work to take off. That kind of problem's only getting worse for me. It's not going to be good, when it becomes worse, than what I already am enduring from the pain I'm feeling from it now & have been the last few weeks. It's getting worse.

Maybe I'm the one being selfish here? Maybe I should just "suck it up" & not bother to say a word? All & all I feel it's unfair to not have a break from (all) of this. I'm being made to feel as though I'm a prisioner within my own home. There's something (seriously) wrong when one's made to feel that way;ever. Something's got to give & I have a unsettling feeling, it'll be my health that's going to give. Then I'm really up a creek with no paddle.

I feel you my Sister's, this is hard.