They have dementia and mom is on 24/7 oxygen. I am an only child. My husband works from home and is a very big help. I work full time out of the home. For the past 4 months we have aides 8hrs each day. Mom was always difficult and now every more so. It is effecting my marriage and I know my husband is burned out. I feel guilty to even think of putting them in a facility and they are lucid enough to be vehemently against it. I do have POA. The guilt I feel is also due to the resentment that both my husband and I have no life other than caring for them. Any advise would be so helpful.
It's time to get your folks decent care that doesn't destroy YOUR life in the process. Put them somewhere together if that's possible. And you can be just as loving and caring (even more so, because you won't feel so burned out) when you visit them. We don't always get what we want in life, sometimes we get what we need (thank you Rolling Stones). Your folks need 24/7 care in a facility and you and your husband need to get your lives back. You've done the best you can and will continue to do so. Your folks are lucky to have you and your husband in their corner.