I am 73 & in a long term relationship with an 82 yr. old woman. We used to have a passionate love life, but I find caregving so overwhelming that I have lost my romantic & sexual feelings toward her. She complains about this all the time. I think one problem is the dependency. I am with her all the time, & she gets anxious if I am out of her sight. The other issue is her incontinence. I hate to say it, but that is a turn-off for me. I am still committed to the relationship & I try my best to take good care of her. She is memory impaired & sometimes irrational, so it isn't easy but I am hanging in there.
Caregiving is emotionally and physically draining. Add to that, the dependency that you speak of, and it's understandable that you've lost some of the passion you once felt.
When a care receiver is that dependent, some people almost feel that a sexual relationship wrong because though the person with dementia gives consent, he or she is still living on a different cognitive level than before.
Incontinence can certainly be a turn-off, as well. Try not to blame yourself. If you can go to a support group, I think you can learn a lot. You won't feel so alone and you can learn not to feel guilty as others will have the same issues. Try contacting your local Alzheimer's organization for a meeting schedule in your area.
Another option for you is to log on to the Well Spouse Association site at www.wellspouse.org. This site could be a real boon for you. Again, you'll find out that you aren't alone in your feelings. Good luck. This is a tough spot to be in.
Carol
Good luck to you.
Bruce
I don't have an answer, but I completely understand it. AmberCat? Pin on your angel wings. You're earning them every day.
H5Best, I'd bet your wife's love for you has transcended from the physical to that deep abiding love we have for those loved ones when our relationship begins to tilt towards "worse" from "better or." *Hugs*