How can I continue caring for my 75-year-old alcoholic and narcissistic husband? I am his 73-year-old wife and am tired of the insults, the abuse, and the careless attitude he has. We have been married for 32 years. I never realized some people have "addictive personalities" - they must be addicted to something unhealthy regardless of how it can damage those around them. From being completely incontinent, refusing to wear pull-ups, no longer taking showers, not genuinely caring about anything, and hardly eating, to thinking he can drive and make important decisions, he is driving me insane. My children (from another man) do not want anything to do with him. He ended up in the hospital for 1 week due to a gastric bleed at home. After the hospital stay, the doctor recommended a rehab facility with physical and occupational therapy. He "escaped" and tried to thumb a ride back home, he refused to eat, and was, in general, an uncooperative patient. The facility asked me to come and pick him up as he was unruly and difficult and there was nothing more, they could do to help him. He has no other family but me. I can no longer live like this! I am healthy, very tired of this abuse and situation, and have years of life left in me. What do I do?
But lucky for you there is a way to stop the absurdity. You start by calling 911 and tell them that you believe that your husband has a UTI because he's been acting weird and something must be wrong(and yes you'll have to lie about that) and that you want him taken to the hospital.
Then after they examine him and tell you that he doesn't have a UTI, you tell them that your husband CANNOT return home because you are not safe with him at home and that he is an "unsafe discharge."
You keep saying it to them until they have no choice but to find the appropriate facility to place your husband in.
And then you get on with living and enjoying your life, and even divorce your husband if you so choose. You've already given this man way too many years of your life, I'm not sure I would give him much more.
Your husband will now have to live with the choices he made and lie in the bed that he has made for himself.
And I don't feel sorry for him one bit, and neither should you.
Best wishes in getting on with your life and putting yourself first for once.
If you go to a lawyer, ask about separating assets, which preserves your half if he goes into care. You have my sympathy, from someone who also faced divorce in a very difficult situation. If you have ever cared, it is not an easy step to take.