Did you ever imagine yourself in this position? My father is 94 and my mother is 74 things weren't too bad until 6 years ago. My father lost his vision to macular degeneration so that meant no more driving. My mother had given up driving about 15 years ago. My father's idea move in together so for 6 years I have been the caregiver for them both. It got worse when my father broke his leg, and my mother had a stroke in the same month. Between hospital,therapy and doctors I have to be the ears for both of them because my mother just doesn't get it she's in denial and very negative. She hates everything, blames me for starting the doctors and having to take pills, she had never been on medication before. Constantly blaming my father for the "mess" we are in. She is unable to make decisions on her own. My father has an excuse he's 94 but she hadn't been to a doctor for 34 years and hasn't gone to the dentist her teeth are really bad, doesn't have a social life, I have offered to take her to the senior center she says thats where the "old Bitties" are. She sits here day after day and hates everything. I do my best to bite my tongue but I defend myself when she blames me for her health. Its hard to have a decent conversation because it always turns out in an argument. I have a husband whom she doesn't like and we have two teenage sons who won't have very fond memories of their grandma. I explain to my father that I am doing the best I can caregiving doesn't come with instructions.
We might have the power to change someone's mind but not who they are. I'm sorry you have to care for both parents at the same time. That's particularly rough. Your mom sounds very toxic which makes things so much more difficult for you. Do you have siblings who can step in from time to time, let you get away for a few hours or just to take a nap?
I also have two teenage sons, they are actually my husband's boys, that live with us. I haven't had any of my own yet and my only sibling and I never talk as she doesn't help with our parents, so I kinda miss out on the neice/nephew relationships. All that makes it hard as I sometimes wonder if I am all that's left of my family. Thank God my husband is there for me. Hope and pray that you have a supportive hubby. It helps. You must be so tired. Wish I had good advice, but I am just now muddling through it as well. Hang in there - and don't lose your life in the midst of it. ~Gigi