My mom moved in with us 3 months ago.we get about one hour a week alone.my hubby is a trucker and I am alone all week with my mom.I have no help with her care,she is still able to use the bathroom and dress.I am not sure how other folks get help.we live in a very rural area,away from everything.How do you make time for everything?I cannot afford to have anyone in,but my mother still has too much in an IRA to get any assistance.Oh and she dislikes people most of the time
I see so many stories on AC from people who have parents move into their home yet the parent doesn't want any hired caregivers. Not to be mean, but its YOUR home and if you need help, then mama needs to buck up and get on board and the sooner the better. Don't let that mindset get cemented or you'll lose all control in your own home. Getting older and possibly requiring care is a fact of life, not pleasant, but it has to be dealt with. I wonder how many parents balk at change because they think their adult kids won't speak up. It's your house, your rules.
The rules about when someone is eligible for assistance assume that each person should use their own resources for their own care first, and then ask for assistance if they need it. That is what should happen here. Mom's money should be used to provide her care. It is Mother, not you, who can afford to bring someone in, and that should happen as soon as possible.
And on the subject of spending Mom's money ... does she get SS or a pension -- some kind of monthly payments? Is she paying you for her room and board? That should happen, and it should be spelled out in a personal care agreement. This is an important step in getting ready to apply for Medicaid someday. It is NOT about how much you love her. Obviously you love her very much or you would not have her living with you. It is about doing all the right things to make her life a little easier down the road.
I live rurally so I understand there aren't a lot of people for you to choose from. But there aren't a lot of jobs either.
Doesn't matter if she likes it or not, you have to take care of yourself and your marriage.