According to your profile your husband is only 57 years old. That's pretty young. He could easily live another 40 years, so it's best you get his care figured out now, or it will kill you before he will die. Why is it that he can't do things for himself? Is it because he just isn't trying and has gotten used to you doing everything for him, or is it because he truly can't do for himself any longer? I know you say in your profile that he's had a stroke. If he's that incapacitated from the stroke then you probably need to be looking into placing him in the appropriate facility. And if he's just being lazy or has gotten used to you doing everything for him, then just stop doing it all for him. Eventually if he wants something bad enough he will figure out how to get it for himself. My husband had a massive stroke at the age of 48, which left him unable to walk, talk, read, write, and paralyzed on his right side. After many months of physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy, he was able to learn how to walk again with the help of a brace on his right leg, talk in short simple words and sentences, but never regained use of his right arm/hand and never could read or write again, and always had trouble comprehending the spoken word which got worse as he got older. But even with all that my husband took care of himself as far as showering, and dressing, and would even like to piddle putz out in the yard filling the birdbath and feeders. I never babied him, and made him do what he could do, and what he couldn't I would help him with. Of course as he got older and he developed vascular dementia, I had to do a lot more and eventually he ended up completely bedridden, until he died last Sept. at the age of 72. It's important too that you're taking time away from him to do things that you enjoy every week. If that means that you hire someone to come stay with him so you can do so, then do it, as you are just as important as he is. When you are a caregiver, self care is of the utmost importance if you're going to survive this journey with him. And it may be helpful too if you saw a therapist to share your feelings and concerns with, or even find a caregivers support group that may be in your area. I know my local caregivers support group was a Godsend to me. You can Google to see if you have one in your area, and just know that most are still meeting on Zoom because of Covid. I wish you the very best getting this all figured out.
Why is it that he can't do things for himself? Is it because he just isn't trying and has gotten used to you doing everything for him, or is it because he truly can't do for himself any longer? I know you say in your profile that he's had a stroke. If he's that incapacitated from the stroke then you probably need to be looking into placing him in the appropriate facility. And if he's just being lazy or has gotten used to you doing everything for him, then just stop doing it all for him. Eventually if he wants something bad enough he will figure out how to get it for himself.
My husband had a massive stroke at the age of 48, which left him unable to walk, talk, read, write, and paralyzed on his right side. After many months of physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy, he was able to learn how to walk again with the help of a brace on his right leg, talk in short simple words and sentences, but never regained use of his right arm/hand and never could read or write again, and always had trouble comprehending the spoken word which got worse as he got older. But even with all that my husband took care of himself as far as showering, and dressing, and would even like to piddle putz out in the yard filling the birdbath and feeders.
I never babied him, and made him do what he could do, and what he couldn't I would help him with. Of course as he got older and he developed vascular dementia, I had to do a lot more and eventually he ended up completely bedridden, until he died last Sept. at the age of 72.
It's important too that you're taking time away from him to do things that you enjoy every week. If that means that you hire someone to come stay with him so you can do so, then do it, as you are just as important as he is. When you are a caregiver, self care is of the utmost importance if you're going to survive this journey with him.
And it may be helpful too if you saw a therapist to share your feelings and concerns with, or even find a caregivers support group that may be in your area. I know my local caregivers support group was a Godsend to me. You can Google to see if you have one in your area, and just know that most are still meeting on Zoom because of Covid.
I wish you the very best getting this all figured out.