Childless; Does anyone have experience with handling this situation?

My husband and I are in a similar boat, we don't want our family to have to deal with us. Been there done it and won't do it to anyone else.

We have a legal firm (a certified elder law attorney, you can find one at www.nelf.org.) that is a licensed fiduciary, we have put all of our wishes in writing and named each other as POAs and the legal firm as back up, in the event we both catch the bus at the same time. We have the legal firm as a springing POA with specific requirements that will need to be fulfilled to spring. We also have a Living Trust to protect us in the event that one passes and the other becomes incompetent.

The most loving thing anyone can do for their loved ones is to put it in writing and get it in order. I think parents should do this so their children aren't faced with having to be caregivers and decision makers when facing a crisis with their parents. It is hard to do, you have to face your own mortality. We set this up 20 years ago and recently updated it, I was troubled looking at what we need to do to make sure our wishes are followed and no one is put in a rotten situation. So, be prepared for some mixed emotions.

Have questions ready and written down, your personal situation, ie assets, desires for your money, if any left, and those types of things when you meet with the CELA, this will make the consult productive and help you decide if they are the firm for you. I do recommend a larger firm that has been in business for a while, you want to know 10, 20, 30 years from now that you will actually have your representation still around.

I would not see an attorney that wants to charge you for a consultation, you will be the client and you are deciding if you mesh with this person and firm, they should be willing to give you that time to decide if it is a good fit, for me that said they were to hungry and would nickel and dime us to death, those ones got struck off the list. We met with a half dozen or so attorneys before making a decision. You will get a lot of information from these consults, we updated our questions after each meeting because stuff was brought up that we didn't think of, as well as our original questions and how each one dealt with those helped us make our decision. Spend the time and you won't be disappointed.

Are you seriously thinking nieces will have any responsibility for you? No, they don't, even though they may be "well meaning". Start by putting a plan in force for your eventual decline/death with a life policy to "clean up the mess", figure out when you need to sell off assets/house, and make a life change (senior living,etc..). If you wish, state in your will how any remaining funds be distributed. Meanwhile enjoy life.

My husband and I are also in our 60's, very active, and are thinking through this issue and planning. I think it is terrible for people to leave a cluttered house for relatives to clean up and sell off. Thoughtless if there is not a significant value, or if it is not an estate with perpetual care.

My paternal grandmother put everything in order ahead of time so no one had to make any real decisions. She wasn't wealthy but she was frugal all of her life and the home she lived in most of my life she had inherited from her aunt. It is on the shore in CT part of a private "point" that has several family homes and while the house, originally a summer cottage, wasn't and isn't worth much the land is so taxes are plenty. But still she owned it free and clear. As she aged and both my dad and later his brother moved to FL she didn't want to live in CT winters any longer so she found a place not too far from my dad and bought into an IL apartment that also had AL and NH sections when and if the time came that was all part of the deal. I think there was a monthly fee there and her taxes and association fees in CT, she had a modest car in each place and lived in CT 5-6 months out of the year and FL the other 6-7 months. It varied and changed over the years. But she had it all set up so no one needed to find places or make decisions, if the time came that she could no longer live alone she was to live permanently in FL where she had her care structure set up and paid for. She also wrote a letter outlining exactly what her wishes were in the event of major medical events, care etc and what she had set up, she sent this letter to both her children, all her grandchildren (that she recognized but that's a another subject)and anyone else who stood to inherit anything or might want a say in her care, I know at least one niece was included but I'm not sure if all nieces and nephews were (you get the picture).Oh it also included the plans she had already made for where her ashes (she wanted cremation) would be buried. She was a very practical woman. She also had all of her legal affairs in order, a will and necessary POA's, DPOA... but their responsibilities weren't as hard and complicated because she had been so clear in writing to everyone about what should happen when and we all knew things were exactly the way SHE wanted them.

Do not I mean do not set up a guardianship. When you have that the court will take all and I mean all of your assets. You and your guardian have almost no say because every penny must be approved by the court. I have personal knowledge of this. My brother's daughter was his guardian. He died 6months ago and the courts have still not released his assets. His wife is going to bury his ashes but she still has to wait until the court releases the money they have confiscated from his pensions for the past two years in order to pay for it. It is a real mess.
I am childless and single and I have already arranged for my own burial and have appointed a DPOA and a health POA as well as made out my will and have an executor for my estate. My lawyer will help my executor with any problems. In my will I have asked to have all my property put into an estate sale to liquefy every thing so whats left can be dispersed as my will says. In the mean time I am getting rid of all the junk I have saved over the past 85 years so whats left will only be the bare necessities and anything that one of my heirs might want like family photos etc. I have also got NH insurance just in case, I hope I have thought of everything but of course no one can so I did the best I could.

We are in our 40's and have already started talking about this issue. I guess this has been on our minds of late, dealing with my mum has been overwhelming and she is not old or ill yet. Its just the unrealistic expectations some folks have. My mum has just pulled the POA from me because I will not move to her town and base my entire around her life. We do not have children right now but we may adopt or maybe not. I think a lot of people are in this situation, even if they have children.

Try to make a plan for each turn life could take over the next 20-30 years and get advice from a elder lawyer.

I would at least talk to your nieces; one of them might be happy to do this. If it's possible for you to make this financially beneficial this might mean something if someone could use the money down the line. But have your will and last wishes and medical avanced directive in place. Ask your sister if one of her daughters might be up for this.

I am not childless, but I have my POA set up that it will not impact my children. I have no intention of burdening my children with my care in the future.

My beautiful God Mother never married and has made independent choices all her life. She is in assisted living and is planning her death by Medical Assisted Death in a few months.

We chose an elder estate law firm that offers informational afternoon seminars, 2 afternoon hours in their offices. We could look around and see others in the same boat, very reassuring. Cost us about $3,000 ten years ago. See state or national Elder Estate Attorneys. For a start: https://www.elderlawanswers.com/

So glad it is helpful.

I think finding the right attorney is truly the most difficult part.

Let us know how it goes.

I want to thank everyone who answered my question. Every bit has been helpful! No, we really don't want our nieces burdened in any way (except perhaps to execute the will after we are gone). We are going to start working on a new will soon. I really appreciate the feedback, and am happy to hear more responses.