Husband has been in memory care for about 3 weeks. It’s such an emotional roller coaster. Elder law attorney says do a spend down for MA. The county is not pleasant to deal with and acts like I’m trying to get something for nothing. I work full time and feel like I’m under water. 😥
Have the attorney tell you exactly how the spend-down is supposed to go. I have heard, for instance, that a spouse can keep the house, one car and half of the marital assets remaining. But remaining from what time? Five years from when you applied? Now? How exactly are his and y\\our 401ks, pensions and cash to be divided?
Also check with the MC to see what Medicaid-qualified facility they recommend for people who can no longer afford them. They probably get this question every day and may even have a list.
Good luck!
You may live in one of the states where Medicaid or Medical Assistance is handled by the county but hopefully an Eldercare Attorney will guide you through it.
About the problematical BIL, if you have DPoA and I hope you do, your word over rides his. Make friends with the caregivers at the facility and that includes the CNAs. Ask about their kids (even if you have to jot the names down on a pad when you get to your car). I can't tell you how much of a difference that can make at times.
Good luck and please keep us updated! And please take five minutes tonight to just sit in a room on a comfy couch or bed soft music in the background (candles help too but don't forget to blow them out before retiring, lol). clear your mind and really really exhale. You will get through this!
I think that basically, with your husband in care, the spending down (given the cost of MC) will happen quickly.
What is now the status with the BIL who was problematic.
Why are you dealing with "the county"?
Sorry, but it IS a rollercoaster with dementia; so many of us have been on the ride. The anxiety component is awful. Heart going out to you.
Hope you keep us updated. So relieved you have guidance of an attorney.
I do appreciate your helpful information. Very kind of you. The spend down is for medical assistance. I don’t know about Medicaid or if a nursing home would be a better placement. The memory care is assisted living for now. The BIL is to visit on Wednesday evenings. I came to visit last night and he was there. He must have said something to a staff person about me as the staff was unpleasant to me. He did leave as requested but I’m sure this is not the end of it. :(