I clean for an elderly man, it was meant to be once a fortnight but I now do it once a week (one week is unpaid). I genuinely didn't mind doing this as I know he gets lonely and its not a hard job, so I felt like I was doing some good. Well as time has passed he has become spiteful. He says horrible things like I'm ill educated, I should of used contraception with my kids, I can't drive (I can drive I just don't want to take him supermarket at busy times as I do my shopping early morning to avoid that rush but always offer to get him things he may need) as well as the weekly cleans he now expects me to take my son there every Saturday but has started saying these kind of mean comments in front of my son (who doesn't understand as he is autistic). I feel really stupid posting about this but I just need to vent really because the things he says although don't sound bad are making me so depressed. He questions me like I'm a criminal and I have to in depth explain my week and what I've done and why I didn't invite him. I'm really starting to dread going. I know how pathetic I sound I know. I'm a grown woman but if I try to defend myself he gets worse. I can't do this much longer I need to break away but without the horrible feeling of guilt. He does have children but I think they think it's great they get to stay away so I get it in the neck instead. I think when people don't visit or do as he wants he takes this out on me but I'm not his verbal punchbag. I'm not paid enough for this. Any ideas on how to get out of this mess?
Goodness I'll be glad to hear you've escaped him! What a nasty bully.
You are working for an agency. They are supposed to "protect" their employees.
If a client is getting abusive it is time to talk to your supervisor and ask for a change. I am sure there are other employees that will take this job and you can be assigned another.
If you have no luck talking to your supervisor then go "up the chain of command"
When you clean for people it is a fact of life that your clients come and go, and for the most part they'll never think twice a when they terminate your services. Unlike his kids you have no reason to accept his abuse, just give him your notice.
If you have belongings at his place, you can go back to get them if they are really expensive, but I would not tell him that you are not coming back in person. I am concerened that he might become physical if he gets angry. Under no circumstances do you bring your child inside. If you can possibly skip retrieving your items that would be best.
I see red flags all over. Protect yourself and please don't go back. This is not your responsibility!
WHY would you feel guilty about that? The man has children - let them sort out his mess. The man is at least able to make himself unpleasant - let him see if he can get another cleaner who'll put up with this rubbish for five minutes. And if anyone you cared about - your friend, your family member - were being treated in this way, what would you think she should do?
One day I was having a conversation with my college aged daughter about not holding a very high opinion of myself. I felt a bit lost that day and she noticed. She asked me what was wrong? So, I told her. I had been mistreated by someone I had been helping, just like you are being mistreated. This person had been abandoned by family and friends too. She had chased everyone away.
I learned a lot from my daughter ‘s response to me. She said, “Mom, people will treat you according to how you treat yourself. You always taught me to value myself so I don’t understand why you are not valuing yourself. You taught me to have self respect because you always said that people will not respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves.” A light bulb went off! I did teach my daughters that lesson but I clearly wasn’t following it myself. Later that day, I told the person that I was helping that I would no longer be available to help them. I felt relieved and got my self respect back.
Sometimes we just need to be reminded of who we are. You deserve respect. You know this. Say goodbye to this person and you will find another place to work.
Best wishes to you. Take care. 💗
You’ve gotten great advice already. I just want to add that you shouldn’t feel guilty. You have done nothing to feel that way. You are a compassionate, caring person that tried to help. This is all on him. Hold your head high!
Friendship is a two way street and this has been very one sided.
I wouldn't recommend sending his children a letter that states that you see that he is needing more and more help and you thought you would just give them a heads up about his increasing needs.
Best of luck.