I have a really, really hard time getting things done because Ninny (93 with vascular dementia) is nearly constantly looking to me to amuse her and follows me almost all of the time. No matter where I stake out some space, I can expect company pretty much immediately, and if I get up and move, unless I am still directly in her line of sight (cleaning for example), she'll go looking for me in about 5 minutes' time. Sometimes I have a hard time even getting away just to use the washroom without her getting confused and thinking I have left her alone. I feel like I'm tied to her by an invisible leash, and sometimes I just want to get away from those sighs of discontent and nagging sniffles for a few minutes!
Once in a while she will retire to her room to watch some television or read a magazine, but I'd say she is actively seeking my company for at least 6 hours a day, and I need some space. Even if I put no effort into amusing her and just do my own thing, she will sit for hours on end in my immediate vicinity and stare off into space. I suppose it must be boredom that makes her do it (perhaps she is hoping I will do something interesting) but she never wants to do anything except read, watch TV, and see what I'm up to - and for some reason, watching me do absolutely nothing seems to top her list of ideal pastimes. I can't seem to get her interested in any activities, independent or otherwise, and I'm not sure how to encourage her to be less clingy and what kinds of hobbies might catch her interest so I can have a little 'me' time. I'm going to guess this is normal but I'm not sure what, if anything, I can do about it. Any advice?
Someone at that age may feel that they want every bit of you that they can have. They know they won't be around long and they may fear, as was mentioned, dying alone.
It's very difficult to be shadowed, but it's also difficult to live in fear. As with so many things, trying to fine a balance of some kind so that the person feels cared for and the caregiver can breathe some air alone is very, very hard. You are all amazing with your advice. Keep it coming.
Carol
The less she is physically capable of doing the worse her insecurities and fears. It goes along with old age and feeling helpless. I empathize, but I also set up a schedule and stay consistent. Taking time out where I can.
I would suggest checking on respite care. Not much else to do. Especially when they refuse to do anything to entertain themselves. I am still learning about dementia, but from my interactions with grams, would have to say the ability to be creative and to entertain self is minimal. It is not a concept that works.
Wishing you the best.
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