I am trying to be a good citizen and have hunkered down with DH for the last 2,000 days (maybe it just seems that long). I wear a mask if I go anywhere and really limit shopping or errands. So, although I am not perfect, I'm definitely trying!
My problem is--I can 'fake' it during the days. I make goodies every week and take them around the neighbrohood, I made cloth masks for everyone who asked.. I made 100 medical grade masks in a huge group effort to get more of them into the system...people actually look to me as a voice of reason...BUT
I am a mess. I go to bed, have a hard time falling asleep and then BAM, almost every night I wake up in full heart pounding panic attacks. Last night it went on for over 2 hours. Since my chemo last year I am more prone to these, one of the lovelier side effects that doesn't appear to be disappating.
I got up, prayed, walked around, tried all the things I usually do to quell a panic attack and finally, at about 5 pm, it calmed down enough that I could sleep.
I DO take a benzodiazepene for anxiety, but there are only X many I can have per month and the worry I will run out before the end of the month adds to my anxiety. I ended up taking 3 mgs last night--and that didn't STOP the atack, just kind of zoned me out.
Has anybody else just felt this sense of, well, not doom, because I know we're going to come out of this sooner rather than later--I don't know how to describe it---like a huge black cloud has settled over my soul. Maybe I should talk to someone about this (I also have a therapist that will do online visits-but I'm not sure that would be the same as being in her office.
I guess I need to know I am not alone--My Dh pretty much ignores me and does what he wants/needs to do. Most days he's not out of bed before noon. The WFH thing hasn't been to good for him, he NEEDS to be on site. I'm not used to having him home, so we're trying to work through that.
I guess I just need some words of support. I am not afraid of catching this, but I respect the rules.
I'm just sick, sick, sick---just got over chemo for cancer and this hits--I guess I just want some normalcy after a year of 'not normal'.
Many of you will relate to this: what are you doing to quell the anxiety?
I take melatonin at night which helps me sleep. I am currently involved in a community fundraising project which gives me some focus.
We had Zoom services this morning at my synagogue. That helped some.
((((((Hugs)))))))).