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Will ever have to do. You are only human as we all are and emotions can get the better of us. Stop beating yourself up, let it go and move on. No one can blame you. I do agree you need help or respite. Please take some time to find some help. Who cares for mom while you shop? If you are her only caregiver respite is essential for your health. I dont know what state you live in but here in michigan Medicaid will pay for in home help. Call Area Agency on Aging they know all the resources for low income elderly.
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You are suffering caregiver burn-out. Suggestions.
1. Find respite care so you can take time for yourself-away from your mother.
2. Learn to meditate.
3. Get 30 minutes of exercise everyday.
4. See if there is a facility that will take your mother-Make sure you throughly understand Medicaid before you dismiss it as an option.
5. Find a support group for yourself and stick with going to its meetings.
You desperately need help for coping with your mother. Absolutely no one can do it by themselves.
Take care of yourself.
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Dear Hope14, caregiving is one of the most stressful things someone
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I could have written your post - I think many of us long-time caregivers feel the same at one time or another or even many times due to the stress. There is also the physical burn-out which takes a toll. All the answers are really good so I hope you can find some ideas to try. If you can't find someone who can give you a break by staying with your mom at home even for a brief period, try to find one of the senior centers who offer respite car during the day. Even a few hours could help give you a break. Most importantly, don't beat yourself up about losing your temper - we are all human and caregiving for a parent who has dementia and/or other health problems - is tremendously taxing and difficult. People who haven't done it have no idea. Take care and sending you a big hug.
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You are not a bad person, you are human! My goodness - eight years of this with no help. Please do as was suggested and check further into Medicaid and call all of the social services organizations in your area. They often pay for a few hours of respite. Some of that may come from a human services organization and occasionally these hours go to waste because people don't know about the programs.

You must have a break for your sake and your mother's.

Please update us. We want to hear back,
Carol
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How do you do it all on your own? You are amazing! My only suggestion is to seriously look into a nursing facility , maybe even a county facility , I realize your mom may not like the idea , but as one post said, if you get seriously ill, or even die the state will do that any way . having said that, if you decide on that , you can go every day, participate in her care and have LESS STRESS so you might be free to easily show your mom how much you really love her. Wouldn't you prefer someone do that for you when your time comes? You are too good to be true and if you believe in God He has surely blessed you with a huge dose of compassion and knows your limitations!! Hang in there and best of luck!!
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Dear, dear Hope14
Many many of us will have that same awful feeling of sometimes cracking and calling our beloved Mom - or other loved one we are caring for - awful, despicable names. We don't mean it - it is just that our loved ones are so difficult sometimes (through no fault of their own, just this damn disease) that we just crack.
The wonderful thing is that our loved ones forget...we don't, and tear ourselves apart with guilt... But blissfully they completely forget, just as they forget and deny they've done or said what made us crack in the first case!
I have no doubt will be merciful to us in our sorrow of not being SUPER carer. He knows what is in our heart and will not chastise us even though we may fall again.

Take heart dear friend. We are all in this together.
Big big hug to you from New Zealand!
Charlotte
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What do you mean when you say "low pay care places"?

I understand that your mother does not wish to enter a nursing home, but if you die or become disabled due to the stress of caregiving, she'll end up in a nursing home with no one to visit or watch out for her.

I think you should visit some nursing homes, just to assure yourself that there are good ones out there.

If she goes into the hospital and is there for three days, she should be eligible for 20 days of rehab, paid for by Medicare. Make sure that the discharge planners are helping you to find a nh that we'll accept Medicaid patients.

Have you looked into Adult Day Care in your area? To her, you call it The Senior Center.
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It is very important for you to Google "free caregiver support groups,(your zip code)". Your local area will hopefully have a facility that offers them as part of their community service. These support groups are a valuable resource of your local benefits and support available in your area. They might be able to hook you up with a pro bono lawyer that will set up community medicaid for you. Then you would have some at home help for "free" . Also, try a church. I have not had luck with that but I am considering trying to start an "Adult Day" at my church...I'm already caregiving maybe for an hour when other caregivers drop off their people I'll be able to start a network. If your people are not mobile definately talk to someone on the phone. Church, hospital social worker, Adult care facility, they might be able to point you in some direction that will get you closer to being able to sleep and not worry.
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I am sorry about your situation. Please check into medicaid a little further, I think you might be able to get her somewhere and not have to pay. You might be able to find a nice , safe place for her. Good luck.
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Anyway I am glad to hear from you Thanks
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Mom Has Medicaid but our money is so limited I can't afford even those low pay care places,,, She won't go to a home just had hospice here but unless doc says she ha 6 months to live they can't help She just got Diagnosed with Diverticulitis,, And now I have totake her to the hosking pointpital for more test for her stomach this might be a brea
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You both need respite. What resources do your mom's have? Are the eligible for Medicaid? Are you amenable to discussing nursing home care?
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I go through the same thing I'm a guy taking care of mom,, I, ve cleaned the bath room many times but she still incest on changing herself but lately not so much , I bought her diapers she through them at me it sucks I need a break , brother died 3 tears ago from drugs sister who lives 4 miles away has come 6 times in last 4 years stayed 20 minutes than had a stroke 6 months ago from drinking 2 boxes a day(why she never came) So it is just me she can't see the tv well and keeps calling me to change the channel I need a break
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You have been a caregiver for 8 years. That is a long time. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you are NOT a bad daughter. You're stressed out and you need a break.

Is there someone you can call upon to come and relieve you for a little while? A sibling? An aunt or uncle? Is your mom in a position financially to have some in-home help temporarily while you get away for a while?

None of us can be effective if we're exhausted and burned out. Please look into getting someone to help out so you can get away for a bit. Even for a day. Some nursing homes offer respite care for caregivers where their elderly loved ones go into the facility temporarily (like for a weekend) while the caregiver takes a breather. Please look into this.

You're human, you're exhausted, you're under a lot of stress and you're doing the best you can. Come here and vent. Let it all out and we'll listen and support you.
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