Our father lives with my twin sister in GA. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease. He is 80 years old. He wants to take whatever little money he makes on Social Security and use it for "fun" things and for gift giving. He doesn't want to put any money aside for his future....like to help pay for home health aides. In GA, they don't have many governmental services for poor elders with health problems. He is highly stubborn. My twin is afraid that he will bleed her of her hard earned savings for her own retirement and for her daughter. And I am here in Phila. I am not able to afford to pay for our father's care myself. How do we protect our life savings? He never paid into a Long Term Care policy. He blew all of his money over the years on vacations.
By the way, I think that you have Medicaid and Medicare confused. You and your sister might want to look into Medicaid a bit, to have a clearer and more reassuring picture of the most likely scenario for Dad.
I've learned that those who live hand to mouth think anyone with a thousand dollars in the bank is filthy rich. I urge you --- DO NOT SPEND your money on his care. It will never be enough to take him through this final stage of his life. If he was out of money and on death's door, I'd say yest, kick in for the last few months. But my Mom is in her 90s and has been in an ALF for memory care for 13 months. The bill so far--- $98,000 +. Few people have this kind of money for their own care, clearly even fewer can pay for another's care plus their own. My Mom had her own resources. And at this age, I'm guessing her investments will take her to the end. But if she was 80, I would know that it would likely run out. I'd be looking for a nursing home for him now. Neither you nor your sister should be paying for his care or caregivers. Keep in mind, dementia affects decision making capabilities and from your description, this wasn't your Dad's strong point before the diagnosis.
I hope Dad is first paying the daughter he lives with. If that isn't happening, then add a personal care agreement to the documents that should be drawn up while he is still in mild dementia.
Whether he saves now or spends his "excess" funds on fun things, he will most likely need to apply for Medicaid at some point. That would cover skilled nursing care facility if/when he needs it or in-home care (usually under and Elderly Waiver program.) I would recommend that before he spends on fun he spend on consulting an attorney who specializes in Elder Law. The daughter he lives with and/or the POA (if different) should be present. What is the best way to prepare for applying for Medicaid? An Elder Law attorney can guide you.
Be careful about "gifting" -- the attorney can provide some guidelines. Giving money away within 5 years of applying for Medicaid has some penalties attached.
GA may not have generous programs for elders, but Medicaid is a federal program. Check it out thoroughly (with the help of the lawyer) starting now, not when Dad needs in-home aides.
Neither you nor your sister should spend your own retirement money on your father. And Dad should be paying his own way at your sister's. Sister should charge enough so she can put a little aside for respite care. Especially as the dementia advances she is going to need to get away on a regular basis and needs to be able to pay for that.
Good luck to all three of you. Dementia is a cruel disease. I urge you to do fun things with your Dad while he can still enjoy them!
Some assisted living places will accept medicaid after the resident has done private pay for a minimum length of time (2 full years at one of the ones I visited!). IT was over $8,000/month So there would have to be some considerable amount of assets . The challenges are many . . .