My mother's dementia is getting worse each day and I am frustrated to try and get her to take medications and elevate her feet as they tend to swell. She does not answer simple yes or no questions when I ask her. She does the opposite of anything I ask her to do. I feel like crying every day and I just feel like each day is pressing reset and it starts all over again. I feel as if my life has ceased in order to be there for my mother who does not appreciate anything I try to do for her to be comfortable and safe.
It's very important for us to find some kind of escape, even if only for a bit each day. I love to knit and read and exercise. Although I did neither of the last 2 in a while. My husband of 40 years lost his job 2 years ago and now he is at home all the time and is not a self starter or one to help out around the house. He is a "couch potato" and thinks of himself as retired. So I have that added stress too!
Three weeks ago I decided I couldn't stand being overweight and out of shape any longer. So I started the "Lose it" program on my computer and am doing walk aerobics or some other DVD exercise 2 times a day. I have lost 5 lbs and many inches so far. I have more energy and feel so much better. I also got my husband eating better and now that the weather is warming up, we walk outdoors.
Mom is in daycare 4 days a week from 9-3, so I try to to a DVD after I drop her at daycare and again in the evening after I get her to bed.
It's hard to fit in everything along with errands, grocery shopping, laundry and cleaning 2 apartments, and I have not been able to watch a lot of TV, but that's okay. I also just ordered a Nook tablet that comes with a free E-reader. I plan on spending some time outdoors reading like I used to.
Mom had PD and is in a wheelchair. She is a lot of work to care for as she can no longer do anything for herself for over a year now. She is very OCD and is always moving. She started a habit of clamping her mouth shut tight, about a year ago and it is very difficult and time consuming to get her to open it for meds and food. Sooo frustrating! Because she is very busy, she would have to be heavily medicated if placed in a facility, that's even if they would take her. As they cannot use restraints, chemicals would be the only option. So I plug along without the help of my 6 sibs, and get through the day as best I can.
Find ways to "get away" from the situation as often as you can and try to go with the flow as best you can.
i cope like this: i go to gym. come hell or high water, whether i feel like it or not, i go to gym. it gets me out the house for a bit, out of his energy. i no longer speak with suggestions, and could you, and will you - i give orders, matron style, as in: 'its time to make your bed now, come on, up you get' or 'no, you cannot have medicine unless i know what its for, as i am responsible for your health' or 'have your bowels worked today? drink this prune juice now please' i am kind, but ultra firm, and he does what i tell him when i use 'that voice'.
he still hides things away, is maniüulative, is mean and lies all the time, but i have switched from being really affected by it all to really just dealing with it like a nurse or caregiver.
i take st johns wort every night, and take my b and d vitamins religiously, i think they also help.
i spoke to a friend of mine, who is a caregiver for mentally disabled people, and he said that instead of hoping he doesn't lie today, EXPECT him to; that way, when it happens you are not dissapointed or saddened, because it is just what you expected. i guess its the same with dementia ... if we expect them to be mean and horrid, then it really is not so hard when the mean comment actually comes.
that has helped me detach: i expect him to behave like a 6 year old, and when he does, its ok. when he doesn't its an unexpected bonus.
easier said than done i know, but put you first. i keep thinking of what they tell us in an airplane.... if the plane loses altitude put on your oxygen mask first and then help those around you. its the same with this journey we're on: we can only help them if we're strong enough.
much love to you, xxx