My mom has always been my best friend and cheerleader, but at 84 she has been declining in mental and physical health the past year. I miss being able to talk to her about my life and hers and just the normal life events we all have. She doesn't really carry on a conversation anymore, just answers questions if you ask her. It's really upsetting and sad for me. My brother lives with her and I also have 3 other sisters. Maybe I need to talk to them about how I feel and see if they feel the same way. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
You used to value having conversations with your mother. You have lost that. It is true and genuine loss, but it is not "official." Your mom is not dead. No one is sending flowers or bringing hotdishes or telling you how sorry they are. You are essentially alone with your loss. There will be other losses ahead. By the time your mother dies, you may already have done most of your mourning and you may feel mostly relieve.
Dr. Boss, who has taught at Hunter School of Social Work, Harvard Medical School, and the University of Minnesota has written a compassionate and helpful book called "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia." It doesn't cover any of the practical aspects, like how to interview paid caregivers or where to buy incontinence supplies. It is focussed on the emotional and psychological part of the journey. I found it extremely helpful. She gets it!
Perhaps you and your sibs might all benefit form reading this book and talking about it and your feelings. Or just read it yourself. It is comforting to see how universal our feelings are, and helpful to see examples of how other people cope.
luvsbirds, please accept my condolences on the loss of conversations with your dear mother.