I think to myself every night. Stay calm. Don't resist. Don't correct. Go along with it. But how do you do it, night after night without going crazy.
My dad is 94 and in good health physically, but mentally he is not doing as well. He is diagnosed with dementia. For the past few years he has had auditory hallucinations of people out to get him. Much worse lately. We sit in front of the television at night, and most times it has to be turned off, so he can hear what "they" are saying better, and he will go on and on for about two hours about what they are saying. When he asks me something, and I answer him, he gets upset because then immediately the "people" outside have heard us and they know what we're talking about. Tonight he went checking for wiring because "they" can hear us and can see us.
He was in hospital for a week after going off to find the woman who was calling him one morning. Since then they started him on 2.5mg Olanzapine daily. I was using it before, but only on an "as needed" basis, but as this was becoming more frequent, I had contacted Aged Mental Health (Australia) for help about this, but then he did the wander and ended up in hospital. The decision to use Olanzapine is against his Dr's wishes as she is concerned it could cause a stroke or heart attack. In hospital we discussed this but decided his quality of life was more important. He had been so scared he was barricading himself in rooms, or I had stoped him another night hiding in the garage.
So how do you not go raving mad coping with it night after night after night.
He's just gone to bed, but I'm waiting, as the usual pattern the last few nights has been that he gets back up again because he's scared of what they are saying. They are going to break the windows and come in and kill him.
I have no support really. If I'm really ready to lose it, I call a nephew to come over, but he's not always available. There is a meeting with aged care mental health this week and I'm hoping they can help me to cope better with dad.
So, how do you not go crazy yourselves?
Val.
My dad went through something similar although not to the extent your dad is going through. But it was horrible to watch, heartbreaking, and exhausting. We know there's nothing to be afraid of but what your dad is going through and what my dad went through is very real to them. I used to imagine what it would be like to know that there are people in the shadows who are out to kill me but no one will believe me. It's the stuff nightmares are made of.
The one sure way to keep from going crazy yourself is to get some distance from your dad. Get away for a day or two or three. Is there anyone who can step in and relieve you for a little while? You mentioned a nephew. Is he able to stay with your dad for a few days? If not, my suggestion would be to take your dad to the hospital the next time he begins hallucinating. Tell the nurse that you need a break, you have to have a break. Tell the Dr. Ask for a social worker and tell the social worker. Get them to admit your dad for a few days so you can rest. Don't take no for an answer. I did this with both of my parents and I was able to get a few days off. Tell the hospital that your dad isn't safe at home when he's hallucinating and you would like him stabilized before he comes home again.
Val, you need a break. That's how you don't go crazy.