I spoke with my aunt yesterday an filled her in on some things regarding her sister (my mom). After we spoke mom had another "incident". Pasted below:
Wanted to fill you in on my conversations with my mom today. She called first about the Health Care Proxy. She said she got what I had left for her and what you sent in the mail today, which isn't the case. It was all there on Wednesday if not before. She had no recollection that she and I had talked about it at all, didn't know what it was, and didn't understand it. I was again trying to tell her the facts about what doctors can and cannot do without one. She indicated that "they don't do that in (her town)" and would not believe me when I told her that it's the law. She said "since when do doctors follow laws" I replied that they do if they want to continue practicing medicine and stay out of prison. She said she wants to make her own healthcare decision, not seeing that is what the HCP is FOR. She said she wants to take it to a lawyer. For someone who is terrified to spend money, that's a huge waste. I asked her if she wanted me to make an appointment for her with a lawyer, and she said no she would do it herself. Which she never will.
The next call was her asking why I had transferred some money out of her account. I'd done it literally five minutes before she called and was going to explain it to her the next time we talk. Probably tomorrow. I received my Amazon credit card statement and it was higher than I thought it would be. I'd paid it in full last month and hadn't bought that much in the past month. I checked my purchases and found that some items that my mom had wanted, or I have on auto-order for her, had been mistakenly charged to my credit card and not hers. I went through my past statements and saw that this had happened a number of times over the past year. Probably before then but I was done combing through old statements. It all added up to right around $300. I have access to her banking and pay some bills for her, and have it set to transfer money from my accounts to hers and vice versa Anyway, I transferred the $300. Somehow she got a notification (not sure how, she can't log in to her online banking, and I took her phone numbers off the account). The bank had called her about something relatively unimportant and it sent her into a tizzy for days. Anyway she was livid that I did it without asking (I have her POA, I can manage her finances) but as I said I was planning to tell her about it. She didn't disagree with my explanation of what the money was FOR, only that I'd done it without telling her. Which in all honesty would have been way too much to tell her and have her to comprehend over the phone.
She was sobbing and near hysterics. I tried to be reasonable and explain (again) how she has plenty of money and will never run out. She's terrified of a big expense like needing a roof. I explained to her that if that were needed, the best way to handle that would be through a home equity loan, and not tap into her savings. She said she knew nothing about that. I told her that is what she has me for. Then she hung on me while I was trying to reset her banking that she locked herself out of again.
I'm really running out of ideas. I am not sure you know, but I am paying Joanne (caregiver under guise of housekeeper, with mom's money) to stop by those extra hours out of the week. My mom would DIE if she knew she was paying someone for company and a wellness check. If she's going to get notified every time I make a transaction in her account, I'm not going to be able to continue that.
If it is true that your Mother is no longer mentally competent to handle her own affair and you are POA then you are doing as you should be doing.
Not only do you not HAVE TO discuss this with an Aunt, but you SHOULD NOT. This is your Mom's personal information; she is not competent. You are handling things. Tell the nosey Aunt that if she has concerns she should call APS and you will discuss your Mom's financial matters with APS and them only.
I think you may be dealing with TWO incompetent women, and that is a stew that is going to go to ruin. Tell your Aunt nicely that you will no longer be discussing any financial matters with her. Keep METICULOUS records of ANY and ALL expenditures in your record books. I had both record books, an accounting monthly I sent to my brother re his affairs and any notes about any "unusual" expenditures (your credit debacle). As he became less competent he didn't even look at it any more. But he HAD it. Then I had the records myself, individual folders for everything, and I had a diary in a composition book in ink without tear out pages. I could have stood on a stack of bibles in court quite proudly any old day.
Stop sharing things with Aunt. Let her go fish or go to banks or go to APS or go to court if she likes, but stop speaking with her and with Mom if Mom is no longer capable of understanding. You are in charge. See to it that you do EVERYTHING legally and on point and make a record of it. Full Stop. End of story.
I of course keep records of what I do financially for my mom.
If you are not her PoA and she won't assign it to you, then "someone" will eventually need to become her guardian for her own sake and to protect and care for her. It's either going to be you/a family member or the county. There really isn't a 3rd option that I can see.