I'm the daughter in law and have taken on the majority of the caregiving because none of my husbands siblings will step up to the plate. We have gone to them and asked for their help now. Two weeks after this meeting I let everyone know that I would be taking a week off for a breather and family time. The other siblings are giving me grief about it saying that my husband should pick up MY slack during this time off. When in reality, I am still "on the job" even if he does take up my slack. Are we not supposed to have a weeks worth of family time without the responsibility of his parents? They all think that just because I don't work that its my responsibility to take care of their parents. I'm also pretty sure they are resentful of me because I have been the one to get the ball rolling on things, but its because none of them have taken the initiative to do it. For almost a year now, my husband and I have been doing the primary caregiving with very little help and now that we have asked for help its getting down to nitpicking things that they are throwing at us.
As a daughter in law in all of this how should I handle it with the parents as far as backing down from most of the responsibility but not all of it. How do I let my mother in law know that I'm backing down from my position without making her feel like its because of her being a burden on me? Thats how she feels anyway even though I've assured her that is not the case...I just need some help to take care of them. And how do I let her know all of this without having to let her know its because of her kids actions? I respect this woman too much to badmouth her kids to her. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because she has depended on ME for the last year with my husbands support instead of the other way around, but in the same since I don't want to lie to her either.
As far as the rest of the kids, I have come to the conclusion that they can think whatever they want to of me....they are no longer a part of me. Its my mother and father in laws wellbeing that is my primary concern after my own husband and kids.