I totally understand your fear of your parents driving. My parents insisted on driving and even leased a beautiful Nissan. My dad continued driving, even after he could not pass the eye exam, and thus had no insurance. (He claimed he was just going a short distance). He did finally stopped driving after he totalled the beautiful car. Consequences included a lawsuit and the possibility of jail time (at 87yo). So my mom, drove. She was 85 and suffered with neuropathy in her right foot. The fatal car accident, made my mom a widow at 89. Please please please do whatever it takes to prevent your parents from driving. Look into driving services in their area for shopping, Drs. appointments etc. Hopefully, they are not as stubborn as mine.
Dad died, Mom started driving again. She had unexplained dents on every side in a couple of months, she is blind in one eye and can't see well in the other. I told her I was taking it to be serviced, drove to the police station, showed them the damage and told them I was taking the car out of state. If mom called and reported it stolen, I have it. She never reported it stolen. I put the cab company in her phone and gave them her credit card number to take her anyplace within 3 miles( all docs). I told them how much to add for a tip. It worked well. I turns out she wax worried she would be stranded..... She also had the senior bus take her places. She got over it.
Ask someone to pull the distributor cap and take out the center wire. Put the cap back on, and it won't be obvious what's wrong. It disables the spark plugs, and the car won't start.
A couple of years before my Grandma passed at 95, she had insisted on driving. She lived in a mobile home, in a rural community. She lived by herself. She had moderate dementia, wore coke bottle bottom glasses (when she remembered), and had significant hearing loss that she occasionally wore hearing aids to correct. We all lived in fear that they’d find her dead in her car, someplace miles away on the prairie. She refused all help, and wanted her children to take care of her. Those were difficult relationships at best, and no one wanted to do it. Eventually, one of my uncles broke her car. He took the starter out, and that was that. B she forgot about it pretty quickly.
I recommend you go to a locksmith and buy some replacement car keys that look similar to the keys for your parents' car. Replace the real car keys with those from the locksmith.
Usually, the key will fit in but won't turn so the engine won't start. When your parents complaint and ask why the car doesn't turn on, just tell them it's probably engine problem which needs the mechanic to look at, then have it towed.
Mechanic then tells your parents the problem can't be fixed. need new engine, or repair cost is more than the worth of the car, etc., Suggest they sell it right away to get the most money. If they wait till next year, the car will lose more value. Maybe they will go for the money.
With my father - in Florida, I worked with the people who were caretakers and went to the police so he could not blame ME! - I got them to write him a letter saying he had to stop driving/come to MotorVehicle Dept to renew ( he and his girlfriend set out to renew, but couldn't find the DMV!!) I imagine many DMV & Police Departments have this happen regularly and have a way to manage it.
Still he had his licence in his wallet and would point to that - and say "I can drive". I had to put a copy of police letter on his refrigerator and in the car, so he would remember. Then I took all his keys - he had a number of them - and finally after a year or two he sold his car.
Ultimately, the safest way to prevent driving is to remove the car.
If there is any access to the vehicle itself it represents a temptation that is difficult for a dementia patent to resist.
If there is no POA you can try having a mechanic permanently disable the car and explaining to the driver that “it’s difficult to get parts, the part is no longer made, the repairman has to travel here to fix it, this car is on a waiting list, etc….”
Bottom line, tantrum or tears, so me one who has been determined NOT SAFE TO DRIVE CANNOT BE PERMITTED TO DRIVE, and there must be a responsible LO to take charge of making sure that driving doesn’t happen.
These actions should have taken place by now. If not, do it immediately before an accident happens! Family may remain anonymous. Doctors should send driver license suspension reports to the DMV. You might want to contact an eldercare attorney. Police should be notified about the potentially unsafe driver to track down the driver's car and impound it.
Another great idea: As mentioned earlier by our readers, have the vehicle (s) disabled, and change the auto keys so the driver cannot start the engine.
Mom still lived in our condo in 2012-13. I went through struggles with my 93-year-old mom as mentioned in previous forums. Doctors at Kaiser sent an unsafe report to the DMV, but Mom got very angry and insisted that she was still safe driving, despite my family's warnings. Fortunately, my mother could not use her walker to reach her car without my assistance. Furthermore, I kept her car parked in a remote visitor spot instead of our assigned parking for over one year, moving it to another space every 72 hours by myself. My vehicle was placed in our designated spot, and I did all the driving. When time came for her car's annual inspections, I got a $500 bill, did not have the work done, but drove back home and showed it to my mom and asked her if she was going to pay to have the broken steering wheel replaced fixed. She would not pay and sold the car without further arguments!
When our parents become children, we become the parents.
Usually, the key will fit in but won't turn so the engine won't start. When your parents complaint and ask why the car doesn't turn on, just tell them it's probably engine problem which needs the mechanic to look at, then have it towed.
Mechanic then tells your parents the problem can't be fixed. need new engine, or repair cost is more than the worth of the car, etc., Suggest they sell it right away to get the most money. If they wait till next year, the car will lose more value. Maybe they will go for the money.
Still he had his licence in his wallet and would point to that - and say "I can drive".
I had to put a copy of police letter on his refrigerator and in the car, so he would remember. Then I took all his keys - he had a number of them - and finally after a year or two he sold his car.
If there is any access to the vehicle itself it represents a temptation that is difficult for a dementia patent to resist.
If there is no POA you can try having a mechanic permanently disable the car and explaining to the driver that “it’s difficult to get parts, the part is no longer made, the repairman has to travel here to fix it, this car is on a waiting list, etc….”
Bottom line, tantrum or tears, so me one who has been determined NOT SAFE TO DRIVE CANNOT BE PERMITTED TO DRIVE, and there must be a responsible LO to take charge of making sure that driving doesn’t happen.
Another great idea: As mentioned earlier by our readers, have the vehicle (s) disabled, and change the auto keys so the driver cannot start the engine.
Mom still lived in our condo in 2012-13. I went through struggles with my 93-year-old mom as mentioned in previous forums. Doctors at Kaiser sent an unsafe report to the DMV, but Mom got very angry and insisted that she was still safe driving, despite my family's warnings. Fortunately, my mother could not use her walker to reach her car without my assistance. Furthermore, I kept her car parked in a remote visitor spot instead of our assigned parking for over one year, moving it to another space every 72 hours by myself. My vehicle was placed in our designated spot, and I did all the driving. When time came for her car's annual inspections, I got a $500 bill, did not have the work done, but drove back home and showed it to my mom and asked her if she was going to pay to have the broken steering wheel replaced fixed. She would not pay and sold the car without further arguments!
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