Just this past Saturday. My mother vomited what I thought was bad food, I feared stomach issues. All real nurses were closed for the day. The care provider is no nurse so we both thought bad food. She ate Salisbury steak, dark gravy, mashed potatoes. Hour later she was throwing up. Easy to assume it was bad food. However, she threw up 5 more times.. Sunday a few more times.
MONDAY rolls around, real nurses come to check.. to little to late.. that was not food.. it was blood and lots of it. My mother is now on her death bed. She's not eaten or drank water since Saturday of last week.. 4 days ago. Her body is shutting down.
I look back at that faithful day. I blame myself for not recognizing what was going on and taking critical action. It is killing me that my mom has been sleeping for 4 days straight, not eating, drinking fluids or sucking on her lolly pops, speaking, moving.. it is tearing me apart..
I loved my mother with every fiber of my being..
Im afraid after she is confirmed deceased, ill go through the process of making sure she has proper burial etc, ill grieve then but it's the after..I'll continue to blame myself and become more depressed. I loved my mother with all my soul.
I totally agree with Alva. It’s possible that your mom was already going through the dying process.
My friend took care of her sister with Down’s syndrome and dementia.
The hospice nurse kept telling her that her sister was dying. My friend was in denial about her sister being close to death.
She kept feeding her sister thinking that she needed the nourishment. Her sister was struggling to eat. At the end of her life she started throwing up all of the food. Her system could not handle the food while she was actively dying.
I am caring for my mother Josiefina, who is 77 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, incontinence, mobility problems, and sleep disorder.
Bring hospice on board if they're not already on board. With Alzheimer's/dementia at play, it's a blessing your mom's life will NOT be extended, if that's how this turns out. My mother lived way too long with advanced dementia which was cruel and unnecessary.
Please don't heap guilt on yourself for something you were unaware of. And don't bury your mother before she's gone.
Best of luck.
Yes, I agree that you need counseling. But none of us are trained licensed counselors, and that's what you need in this instance.
If you were looking at something in the emesis that didn't look like blood, but was darker (we sometimes refer to as coffeeground emesis) often a blackish or brownish, then you were looking at what is called OLD blood, which was in there already a while before she vomited it out. So the bleeding had been going on for some time. And you could not have known this.
Given that now it is KNOWN that there is a source of bleeding, apparently that is not enough to bring back your Mom. Your Mom is already described as sucking on her lollipops (commonly used in Hospice, but that makes me curious about the salisbury steak?) meaning she was perhaps already likely on hospice? Already acknowledged to be unable to take in nutrition? Already ill? Perhaps already known to be dying?
What you have described is not unusual for end stage. My own friend experienced this at the end of her time on hospice last December--a final hemorrhage of what was growing inside for some time. It is hard for family to witness, but it is very unlikely that anything you might have done would have changed this outcome.
Guilt is only appropriate when someone is responsible for CAUSING something with malicious intent. You didn't cause this and could not have cured it. It's unlikely anyone else could have either. Grief is the more appropriate word for what you must now go through. I hope good memories of a long life well lived will sustain you through that process for which time is the only answer. I am so sorry for your pain. Do consider that counseling from your Hospice if it is there, from a Licensed Social Worker in private practice otherwise.
It sounds like internal bleeding. If so, probably not much that could have been done. A lot of us probably would do what you did. Wait till the Nurse came.
Please, don't feel guilty. It does you no good.