I am so sick and tired of how covid has been used as an 'excuse' not to visit the elderly. My siblings have NO problems going to work - see there is a paycheck involved then. covid is not a good excuse to stay home, but it sure is when it can be used as an excuse not to visit my elderly father in hospital. I feel horrible for Dad who has been in a nursing home and in and out of hospital for almost a year and 2 of his kids cant be bothered to go visit him. Not once. Now I can see why abused kids dont see their elderly parents - kind of karma - but Dad is a good Dad. It breaks my heart when I see the hurt in his eyes as one excuse after anther comes in. I NEED TO learn that us 5 siblings share nothing more than DNA. How can two of them be this different?
“One other thing changed along the way. I lost all respect for them too. I don't look up to them, don't care what they think of me anymore and that's that.
Forget about them. Instead be proud of yourself and all you've done.”
Mask up or no (your choice) in public, on transit. And life goes on. So far, this many years in my partner and I have not got it. We are careful but it isn't limiting our lives anymore. I will be off on a month long trip this month by airline, knowing I will likely be sitting next to someone "with it" and in a N95 mask. However, in Michigan a "family reunion" of my daughter's in-laws saw ALL infected save ONE (the one in her 90s who doesn't believe in masks), even the 18 month old baby.
It's just "here" and as they say, will be with us, like the common cold forever in all likelihood, (but more likely to kill us in some circumstances.
I don't see people using it too much as an excuse, because to give up "living" for something that we cannot avoid, doesn't make sense. Everyone knows to mask up or not at their own choice/peril.
I just think when you hear someone make an excuse just recognize it is their polite (or corwardly, dependent on how you look at it) way of saying they would as soon not do something.
If we are not now going to visit because of fear of Covid I would say we might as well recognize we will never again visit. Which of course, for some, is an option.
We are only --what--about three years in on Covid as a disorder-disease. It is new to us. We are used to "cancer" or "copd" or "heart disease" taking some of us out. But not used to this one. Given the political climate it gets "used". We will adapt. Never fear. Just allow everyone to make their own choices, and you make yours.
If OP’s siblings show genuine love, concern, care to Dad in other ways (not visiting, but in other ways), I don’t think OP would be angry. And Dad wouldn’t be hurt.
I think the fact is, OP’s bad siblings basically do nothing. Show no love, care.
My heart goes out to you OP.
You CAN change your reaction to what they are doing/not doing.
If dad asks why they don't visit your reply should be "I have no idea, maybe you should give them a call and ask"
(This is if he can make a call, if he is cognizant to do so)
Don't make excuses for anyone, for their lack of visiting.
Visit as you have.
Enjoy the visits you have and try to make the best of it.
So yes we feel like we shouldn’t see our parents until getting a couple negative tests.
Obviously OP isn’t talking about that: otherwise OP would have said, “There are a few occasions where, responsibly and lovingly, in order to avoid infecting Dad, my dearest, sweetest siblings didn’t visit. My siblings are so sweet and so responsible. They’re great and fantastic! And they show their love and concern for Dad in so many other ways. Oh how I adore my sweetest siblings.”
That said, Facetime is a thing, and you should set it up for Dad and them. Stop with the drama of trying to make others be you, and try for family harmony instead.
We do live in the age of technology you know. Your siblings could "visit" with their father via live video chat. All you need for that is a cellphone.
So instead of chastizing or trying to lay a guilt trip for them because they aren't willing to enter a hospital or NH because of Covid, set up "visiting" times where you will be at the hospital or NH with your father and can help him video chat with his other kids and even grandkids.
People still do have to go to work even in Covid times beause yes, there's a paycheck involved. If there isn't a paycheck then a home can't be paid for. If there's no home, then the family is homeless.
Many jobs don't have unlimited sick time that a person can take and Covid can make a person sick for a long time. I was flat on my back sick for almost two months. I'm lucky that I didn't have to pay rent or utilities or groceries.
I will not take an unnecessary risk and visit in a hospital or NH and I'm vaccinated.
Set up video chat visits with your siblings and help your father with it.
But my sister has always been like this, long before covid was even a thing, so I had no surprise whatsoever that she used it as a convenient excuse. Deep down, she's nothing but a coward who couldn't face our mother's death. So she left it for as long as she could, knowing mom had me and our other sister. And yeah, like you, I was angry and bitter through the year and a half that mom grew sicker and sicker.
But you know what? I'm free of her now. I don't have to worry about excluding her anymore because my biggest concern - that she would complain to my mom and put her in the middle of warring children, which I so didn't want to do, especially once my mom got so sick - was gone once my mom drew her last breath.
My other sister and I, along with our spouses, are going on a 3 week cruise leaving the end of the month. I don't have to feel bad anymore about not inviting absentee sis, I don't have to worry about her finding out somehow and then bringing it to my mom's door, so to speak... I won't purposely tell her (like, ha ha we're going and you're not) but I don't have to be on eggshells worrying someone will let something "slip" when she's around. My attitude is now one of: you can't be a member of the family during the "fun" times - holidays, vacations, etc. - without pulling your weight during the "dark" times. Frankly, it's freeing.
I'm sorry for the pain that dad - and then you, on witnessing it - are going through. It really is amazing that siblings sharing the same upbringing can be so incredibly different. I hope you and dad can find some peace while dealing with this.
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