It's been a while scince i've been on this forum, or contributed my oinput on any questions, I've recently suffered the loss of one of the grandmothers that lived with me and I cared for,Logic tells me she lead a long full life at 90 yrs and my husband tells me I contributed to extending her life 5 yrs longer than she would have lived and for that he will always be grateful,Now I am forced to watch the 2nd grandma(my Mom) go thru the final stages of Alzhemiers,and it's tough,the doctor tells me that this happens at times when one passes the other soon follows,but it has become increasingly difficult for me to care for her with out breaking into tears.The doctor and staff tell me that i must consider putting her in a nursing facility,I am there,I know it's best for her to be watch 24 hrs,And yes I do haves siblings but they have been out of the picture for 3 to 4 yrs now,they dont even call! Any one who remembers me on this forum knows the senerio.I just want her to be cared for she has medicare and medicaid,but finding something NICE AND LIVIABLE WITH QUAILITY CARE is hard. I live in Cypress Tx. any one who knows of any palce in this area,please give suggestions.
Did I mention I am looking for a job so that I can help pay for ofset cost if necessary.
Caregiving in general has always left me in a daze. I haven't felt like myself for the last 4 years. So, the stress of losing your grandmother added to caring for your mother has to take its toll and you need a serious break.
A nursing home placement may help all. Your Mom will need more intensive medical care that you cannot provide and you need to step back and allow yourself to be the daughter again. It may be a blessing for you both. The thing that I have missed the most, in taking on this role, is not having the time to be "family." The caregiver part just takes all my energy.
Ask caregivers, social workers, and doctors about the best facilities in your area. Choose the closest one to you and visit often. Quality care is tied directly to how many times a family member is present....even in the best places.
Good luck....come back with an update...good to hear from you again....Lilli
Help me understand your crossroad of how to let go.with out feeling overwhelming guilt. Are you having a hard time letting go of your grandmother without feeling overwhelming guilt or having to let you mother go to a nursing facility without feeling overwhelming guilt or both?
I think one reason the doctor is saying your mother must go to a nursing facility is not only her decline, but also in consideration of you and your resent loss. You have been through so much no long ago and have more ahead of you that you really don't need to be the person doing 24/7 care because of your own well being and being a healthy support for your mother.
I'm not a therapist, but it sounds like you are having a time sorting out your emotions as well as making some tough decisions. So, I think for you own peace mind, it would be good to see someone.
Personally, I think that is the route to consider now, whether that is bringing hospice into your home (perhaps with some additional hired caregiving) or getting your mom into a hospice house.
Blessings on you as you struggle with this very difficult part of the journey.
When you say that your mom is going through the final stages, would she qualify for pallative care or hospice?