Does anyone have experience with a loved one crying, more like sobbing often near the end of life? My mother is near death and barely talking anymore. The other day though she managed to get out "about the future" when I asked her if she was worried about anything......because she cries a lot when people try to comfort her. I'm trying to reassure her that I love her etc. I've read scripture to her and the chaplain has visited her more than once but she always gets emotional. Also, it's like a "dry" cry, hardly any tears which is normal now, but it's tearing me apart. She's really pitiful. Some of you may remember she was really difficult with her dementia and we had no relationship left. However, during the last couple of weeks we've had a couple of sweet conversations and she's actually told me she loves me too. She's too weak to fight now plus Hospice has her medicated some to keep her more comfortable. She's always been a worrier and I suppose it's natural to be a little apprehensive about passing over although I know she's a Christian and ready.
I asked for a hospice evaluation. Morphine brought her some calm and peace. We played her favorite music at the end; it mostly made us (my SIL and I) feel better.
I only promised my mom one thing, ever: that I would give her a death without pain. I think you need to think about medication as a solution to this insoluble problem.
It is fine for your mother to express her emotions, including regret and perhaps worry about those she will be leaving behind, but it is not fine for her to be afraid. Wishing her, and you, comfort.
The hospice could be offering morphine to help her relax and pass peacefully. My dad was becoming very distressed, we chose to give my dad morphine when nearing the end of life. From what I had read the brain can lack oxygen from the patient not being able to take deep enough breaths.
There was no recovering for him. I do not regret doing this 15 years later
Also give her "permission" to pass peacefully, that you will miss her but it is selfish for you to want her to remain as she is.
Thank her for what she has taught you throughout life and especially the last few years.
Hold her hand and tell her that she is safe, that you love her.
By the way morphine is not just for pain but it can help relax muscles that are constricted and it can help breathing as the major muscles relax it can help the lungs expand a bit making breathing easier. (try clenching and tightening muscles and see how deep of a breath you can take) so a little morphine might help.
(((hugs)))
The main focus is on you being able to become still, to have someone assist you in emptying your self to be the source of peace on which another can draw.
It sounds like you are accepting. It sounds like she is ready. I suppose most everyone is somewhat apprehensive. Don’t you? Even if they are believers. Even if they are tired of suffering. No matter what because it’s natural to have fear of the unknown.
I wish you and your mother peace during this difficult time. We are here offering our support.
His fountain of knowledge has dimmed behind the dementia, and of course we will miss it, and him - but this is a huge source of worry for him, no matter how much we reassure him.