Does anyone else's parent cry for no reason? Some days, minutes or hours my Mom cries and cries. Singing stops them sometimes, but certainly not always. Hugs and reassurance is how I try and stop it, telling her everything is okay, etc. but it really doesnt work well. Sometimes its on and off the entire day, some days not at all. She cant really speak well to tell me whats wrong but I dont think she knows either. Sometimes she is hysterically happy and very funny, I wish that was all the time. Sometimes I get get her to laugh in the middle of a cry too, its strange. I am sure its not for attention because I sit right with her, rubbing her back, telling her I love her, and telling her stories. This has gone on for a very long time now and my patience is really being tested.
Am I alone here with this?
I encourage her to do the things she used to like or can still do but, lately, she doesn't even seem to like those things.
It makes me feel so frustrated because I am a natural "fixer-upper" and some things just cannot be fixed. I found that the best thing for her mental health is to redirect her energies. I find a project for her or get her talking about times in the past that were fun.
The hardest thing is to accept that she is growing older and slipping away from me and that stinks. The time we have now is just "maintenance" time...doing basic care. There is not much mother/daughter time anymore - she just sees me as someone who does "stuff" for her. I try not to take it personally because I know she goes into panic mode very easily now.
I don't think my Mom does it for attention either...I just think that guage that keeps all of us from melting down in the middle of the grocery store has ceased working for her. However, indulging these episodes just makes it worse.
So here we are again, between a rock and a hard place.
I don't have much left to give myself and that makes me sad because I think I am letting her down. But if I did what she wanted of me, I would need to be at her beck and call 24/7. It feels like a weight around my neck.
So I plug along and try to figure out what is best for her. I've made some progress lately, so we'll see how it goes. thanks for your comment.
We don't have to deal with Ma crying or feeling sorry for herself all the time, so I don't have any personal experience with that. It sounds very hard! I wish you luck.
thanksssssssss
I dont know about you all but everyone I know who is about Moms age who didnt take pills (like statins) has no dementia and all that do take pills, have it. I wonder if these are causing all the dementia patients we have now? I myself am now afraid to take pills like that, I think I rather die than get what Mom goes thru.
Hugs to all of you and thanks again a bunch for the support!!!!! You're all great!
Also you may try speaking with the NH social worker, or ask the NH to guide you to resources. There are many on this sight and many on the internet.. good luck..
So far, there is no known cause of most types of dementia. Research has revealed many valuable pieces of information, but that one is still elusive. With the extensive research that is underway, I think if there were a clear relationship between taking drugs or certain kinds of drugs and the incidence of dementia that would have been discovered by now. That is something that you could research online, too, if you are interested. I think the huge increase in the number of dementia cases is most directly related to the huge increase in the number of people who reach the applicable ages. A hundred years ago only 1/3 of all women lived to see menopause, let alone old age! Yes, there have always been people who lived into their 80s and even 100, but not the huge numbers of people who do now. In a round-about way, perhaps drugs have contributed to my husband getting dementia. His father, brothers, and sisters all died of heart problems in their 40s or 50s. Sixty-two was the highest age they reached. Hubby is now 85. If he hadn't taken statins and other prescriptions and followed a healthy lifestyle he probably would not have lived long enough to get dementia. (That seems kind of a cruel reward for taking such good care of himself, doesn't it?)
Continue to make your mom feel safe, and know you are doing great things for her.
You too are dong a great job , thank you again very much.
luvmom
It's not just the parents; caregivers go through these patches of depression too. Existential angst, stress, sickness, fear of death, feeling unappreciated or unloved, guilt, memories of the people we've mistreated, things we could've done better long ago, goals set but never accomplished, or just realizing we didn't make a difference in this world because we chose not to do anything for anyone. ... Makes you wish the Grim Reaper to takes you away in your sleep, doesn't it?
Use talk therapy to make her open up and tell you what's hurting inside. Show her that you love and care for her, and that she means the world to you.
Good luck my friend.
-- Ed
Point well taken. I should've read Luv's profile before commenting. I either have positive and learning experiences, and this one is both. Thank you so much.
-- Ed