Buster13, my Mom was the same way back when my Dad had a heart attack. Both were in their late 80's and Mom said it was her job to take care of Dad.
Until Mom realized that when Dad would fall [he hadn't got back his strength in his legs yet] that she couldn't pick him up. And she also finally realized she couldn't help Dad go upstairs to their bedroom, so both of them slept in the living room for a couple of months.
Sometimes we need to wait for a serious medical issue before our parent(s) will take any help, and sometimes we need to wait for the 2nd and 3rd time before reality sets in.
Are they both competent in decision making? If so there is very little you can do against they own wishes. Of course this is going where it is going, and that is nowhere good. It will eventually come to a head with an injury to one or both. Do you meanwhile have any paperwork going such as POA for that time when you must step in?
The starting point is answering the question: who is legally able to act in their best interests? Are you or a family member PoA for either of your parents? If no one is their PoA and they are no longer willing or mentally competent to create these documents, then you will need to pursue guardianship for your dad through the courts.
I have 2 very elderly aunties that live together. Aunt N developed dementia and Aunt A is still sharp as a tack. Aunt A is the caregiver and was very resistant to outside help but really, really needed it. I gave up being insistent, and instead, just asked her, "If you could resign from one onerous task, which would it be?" So it became her choice of what help was provided, and I allowed her to tell me when she was ready for it. I had researched a great agency and told her the cost. Then one day she called me up and said she was ready to start receiving outside help.
Your best strategy may be to help your mom in ways that she is not aware...arranging (and paying) for a neighbor kid to mow their lawn; giving your parents a GC for a housecleaning service (maybe just the bathrooms) and then helping your mom schedule it; having family and friends take them out for the day and you go in to get an idea of how bad things are and then having a gently conversation with your mom, giving her assurances that no one is trying to "take control", just trying to help keep them safe in their home. It's possible your mom may be sliding into cognitive decline herself. You can only do so much. Getting the legal authority figured out is the starting point.
Until Mom realized that when Dad would fall [he hadn't got back his strength in his legs yet] that she couldn't pick him up. And she also finally realized she couldn't help Dad go upstairs to their bedroom, so both of them slept in the living room for a couple of months.
Sometimes we need to wait for a serious medical issue before our parent(s) will take any help, and sometimes we need to wait for the 2nd and 3rd time before reality sets in.
I have 2 very elderly aunties that live together. Aunt N developed dementia and Aunt A is still sharp as a tack. Aunt A is the caregiver and was very resistant to outside help but really, really needed it. I gave up being insistent, and instead, just asked her, "If you could resign from one onerous task, which would it be?" So it became her choice of what help was provided, and I allowed her to tell me when she was ready for it. I had researched a great agency and told her the cost. Then one day she called me up and said she was ready to start receiving outside help.
Your best strategy may be to help your mom in ways that she is not aware...arranging (and paying) for a neighbor kid to mow their lawn; giving your parents a GC for a housecleaning service (maybe just the bathrooms) and then helping your mom schedule it; having family and friends take them out for the day and you go in to get an idea of how bad things are and then having a gently conversation with your mom, giving her assurances that no one is trying to "take control", just trying to help keep them safe in their home. It's possible your mom may be sliding into cognitive decline herself. You can only do so much. Getting the legal authority figured out is the starting point.