Where do I start? My dad became disabled last July with transverse myelitis. He recovered somewhat aside from a wobbly gait at times and poor strength in one arm. I have never read where this condition causes mental confusion and STUPOR. After my concerns and those of family members, I investigated and found his wife is giving him sleeping pills when he wakes up in the morning and also early evening. I confronted her and she told me that a doctor prescribed it that way. I managed to remove it from two morning doses and my dad was completely different. He washed a car, took out the trash, and worked in the yard. I demanded she stop and she refuses. Last week, he fell in the yard and hit his head on a brick. In the last 108 days, she has filled prescriptions that include a total of 210 sleeping pills and 180 Prozac. He is diabetic and she is giving him seroquel twice a day which renders him comatose and probably very high sugar as she no longer gives him his metformin. My dad told me to back off and thinks I overreacted. He is pretty much at her mercy 24/7. The two days that she didn't get morning sleeping pills in him, I felt like I had my dad's back. But I can see he won't be living in 6 months. I know the moment I report, she will block me from ever seeing my dad again. Where do I start? She has POA, the doctors won't speak to me, she has sold all his jewelry, put everything in her name. It's pretty clear she is planning for her future without him. Open to advice. I am not wealthy and I don't have deep pockets. Thanks in advance . :°(
It's unfortunate, but being out of the loop often happens with step parents.
Maybe she's having trouble (little dementia?), and forgets how many pills or which pills she's given him? Maybe she needs someone to help her with this.
You might want to ask her if there's anything you can do to help, and start doing those things. Do they need any money? Lots of people say no; you have to hand them the money ~ if you have any extra, even $10, $20. And/or you could just pay for some things to be done. You might offer to take him off her hands a few days by taking him to your home? come over and do things needed? wash their car/s or take them to be washed .. serviced, stay (babysit) with him ..give him what he needs.. so she can go out? and give her a break, .. laundry, cooking (or bring meals), house & yard help, pick up prescriptions? groceries? order groceries? ride to drs? dds? Do they need garbage service to pick up garbage at the door? You could set that up for them. Pay/write their bills? Help with banking? She may need help and feel she has no one to help her care for him or too uncomfortable or embarrassed to ask, or not realize she really needs help, too. People often don't ask for help when they really do need and welcome help. She may be very overwhelmed with his care and trying to care for herself, too.
As you said, you don't want to give her an excuse to spite you by blocking contact and creating a more strained relationship with her. On the other hand, she is taking care of him, though it may not be how you think is best or even is best; she's at least there and helping him so he's fed and not in squalor.
I'd work on trying to help her care for him without interfering, unless it becomes obvious they both need care and then you'll need to work on getting care for both of them. She may be more open with you if you address her needs.
Good luck.
Oh yes . I pay for groceries, bills, anything he wants or needs. But not now. The minute I asked her to explain what she was doing, the class came out and she has not spoken to me since. That is far better than being used. She doesn't see me as "willing to do anything" to see my dad while she drugs him. I said it was wrong and she has a real problem with that. So. We have a problem here. Now that I have the list of drugs.. I had no idea how big the problem was but am glad I now know. :-(
Last month she filled 30 sleeping pills at Wal-Mart and the next day she filled 60 more, same doc, different script. Why they did that.
I removed them from his morning meds and remarkably, it's not easy to know he has anything medically wrong. He's walking every night and is no longer in a stupor during the day. He says he feels the best he has felt in 6 months and it shows. Was a temporary fix.
Thank you so much for all the input and suggestions. Just suffice to say, I have followed all of them in the process. I am too kind hearted and was probably too willing to do whatever was needed. All that did was teach her that she could use me. She still won't give up control.
Here is the latest:Thank you. Yes. My sister and I called the MD. The SM has dropped her POA on all the docs so they won't speak to us but we documented and sent everything to her.
Last month his wife filled 30 sleeping pills at Wal-Mart and the next day she filled 60 more, same doc, different script. Why they did that... We got the records. My sister calls it chemical restraint. She actually fills 5 types of antidepressants/ssris.
I snuck in and removed them all from his morning meds and remarkably, it's not easy to now know he has anything medically wrong. He's walking every night and is no longer in a stupor during the day. He says he feels the best he has felt in 6 months and it shows. Was a temporary fix but I needed this relief.
My dad has NO clue why he is suddenly doing so well. The wife is pissed but there are so many pills, she hasn't figured out the sleeping pills have been removed. We are going to take further action. But the stress and worry, I am taking a breath and just enjoying the relief of having these few weeks where he is doing and feeling great. I realize that we still have to do more...
The Doctor can’t reveal details about your Dad, but he should always be open to hearing from family if there are problems. Call him ASAP. Good luck.
The doctor is the one over prescribing. And I dont doubt she will be investigated when I finish and file a report with the medical board.
Thank you
Please see my update above.
Thank you.