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My dad is 88, on-set dementia/Alzheimer's and has a part-time caregiver in an independent living community. His 2nd wife has a long history of stealing money ($250K and 6 lawsuits) as has her family. As my dad's caregiver states, "she's a piece of work" and "he's being manipulated". We have suspected this for years but now it's confirmed. Wife refuses to give him the meds his doctor prescribes says she knows better (he's had 2 hospital stays because of it). Wife told my dad she needs more of his estate and is getting him to change his will to cut his family out. She has plenty of money (or did until she bought her daughter a house) and dad has already left her a substantial amount (more than she'll use in her lifetime).What recourse do we have to stop her from manipulating him into changing his will when he doesn't understand what's going on? She also keeps telling us that they don't have much money (Dad had lots of money 2 years ago). Caregiver said she's not giving him near enough food and he's lost some weight. She now takeshim to the dining room so he can get a substantial breakfast. Dad's wife HATES us and she's inserting her toxic drama into our family making it hard for us to visit him (she also monitors his phone). Dad says he's confused and doesn't know what's going on and she's manipulating him. HELP!

I finally spoke with an attorney and she said the first step was to contact APS. Ugghhh. I don't know HOW negligence can be proved besides maybe the caregiver who is afraid of losing her job. Dad thinks she's awesome and doing a great job. Dad was just prescribed blood pressure medicine for his low blood pressure (90/60) and Tramadol for his back pain. She just went along with what the doctor said but isn't giving him bp medicine. Told caregiver his bp was fine. She also let it slip that she's still giving him the Tylenol and not the Tramadol. She's also shoving legal papers in his face for him to sign (according to the caregiver) and has information all over the place about his investments and whether she can access them. Surely there's another way.
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@ Riverdale
I can't find where my PM are located.
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You can get her criminal records, real estate transactions off the internet if you haven't already. Good luck with this mess.
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I read the entire thread and would suggest that you bring him in for a full cognitive eval and get a different lawyer involved.

The bar for 'testamentary capacity' in altering a Will is quite low and some sleazy attorneys will do most anything for the money and may wrongfully change a Will, even knowing it is wrong to do so.

You may wish to 'chum the waters' by calling around to every estate attorney in your local area (they are in high demand) or better yet, use their online contact to send a letter that you can copy and paste, informing of the situation and what you suspect may happen. That way, any firm locally would be unable to take her case due to conflict (they would already have info that would prejudice them against her efforts). This endeavor would be huge and only worth it if in a smaller city.

Best to call a CELA attorney and present the neglect data, his cognitive status and her past crimes. You can also get some private time with dad and film him with a smart phone talking about huis Will, ask him about who he wants his bounty to go to and whether he wants to change his current Will to favor only her. The filming will tell all about his mental status and his wishes.

I hope your family succeeds in prevailing over this predatory 2nd wife.

Best to you.
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TK61317 Nov 27, 2022
Great idea about filming convo about will. I've started bringing a tape recorder and also printing out text messages. We live in Houston so no go with emailing a bunch of lawyers. She has her own lawyer and he doesn't know who it is or even who her MPOA or POA is. It will be impossible for us to get him for a full evaluation. She totally controls him and wants us out of his medical loop (she blew a gasket when all her negligence came to light during his hospital stay). Best I'll be able to use is the long term care evaluation and his evaluation from skilled nursing.
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One option is to file his current Will in probate court along with a physician statement or care records that document his lack of cognitive capacity to alter his Will.

Best to talk with a CELA attorney but I think that you can provide enough documentation to prevent her doing more harm. I'd suggest the family go for guardian and conservatorship although a costly process. This would bring in her neglect and her past crimes.

Act now.
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TK61317 Nov 27, 2022
What is a CELA attorney and how is that different than an elder attorney?
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She has a criminal history for this sort of thing?
See an attorney. This may come to a guardianship fight. Meanwhile keep any evidence you have, time to gather what can be proven including withholding medications. As she is the WIFE she has her foot in the door and you may not win a guardianship battle, but you also may with her history. If you win the court costs will be paid by Dad's finances, and if you lose YOU will pay the costs; so know that you can afford this.
See an attorney for advice with ALL the evidence you have.
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TK61317 Nov 27, 2022
Different theft; she had a business with her 1st husband. She swindled $250K from their clients. Hubby got sued by 6 of them (guessing the business was in his name) and she used the money to get a divorce. Then 2nd hubby stated in will she could live in house and then it would pass to his daughter. She put the house in some sort of trust, sold the house and bought her daughter a house. Very concerned because dad is going downhill fast and will need full time care by next year. She will put him in assisted living but he wants to have full time care at home. He DID have the money 2 years ago, she says they don't (I think she wants him out and to keep more of the money for herself-they live in a retirement community where it will be cheaper for assisted living).
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Time to go to the attorney . My SIL kept having poa ‘s changed by my MIL who has dementia. Finally lawyer put a clause in stating it cannot be changed without a physician s assessment first .. I am sorry I don’t recall the name of the clause.
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TK61317 Nov 27, 2022
Thank you. I have a call in to an attorney but haven't heard back.
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TK61317, first welcome to the form. If your Dad and Step-mother use an Attorney to make any changes to the Will, the first thing the Attorney will notice is that your Dad is unable to understand what is going on. Chances are the Attorney will ask the Step-mother is leave the room while the Attorney talks to your Dad. After that, if the Attorney feels your Dad cannot understand the legal document, he will not let your Dad sign, nor your Step-mother.

If your Step-mother gets a blank Will off of the internet, hopefully the Notary will notice that your Dad is unable to understand what is going on, and refuse to Notarize said legal document.
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TK61317 Nov 27, 2022
I hope this is the case but I fear it is not. His lawyer doesn't seem to be on the ball and I don't think he met with him; I think the documents may have been mailed or dropped off by assistant. Dad has moments of clarity. I found a note she wrote to dad when, I assume, he was talking to his lawyer on the phone. She frantically wrote and underlined numerous times WILL. I'm assuming she didn't want him to hear her telling dad to ask about the will. Probably because there was an incident when he was in skilled nursing and then got COVID, and his wife also had COVID. Neither one knew who the MPOA was. They wanted my sister but his wife was MPOA. Dad told sis to call attorney to confirm and get it changed to her. When she did and then set the meeting, dad said he had too much going on to deal with it and would do it later. I told him no, he needed to do it now and the attorney heard me. His wife later told me lawyer was "pro wife" and not children.
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