Dad diagnosed with dementia, power of attorney needed?

It's my understanding that once a person is diagnosed with Dementia it's too late for them to appoint a POA. With that said, it may depend upon the actual diagnosis & whether or not the doctor who made it will put in writing that he is not "so far gone" that he is unable to understand what he is doing. If that's he is deemed to be unable to make such decisions, then, you'll most likely have to go to Court to obtain legal guardianship.

I highly suggest you consult an attorney well versed in Elder Law ASAP!

I ended up being my mother's POA & "getting stuck" with all the heartache, criticism from my siblings, mistreatment from my mom, taking care of her property, etc. It was thankless work. For a long time, it didn't bother me, but eventually her demands along with all my other responsibilities overwhelmed me. Had she not finally died, I think I might have ended up dying before she did.

Whatever you do, make sure it's air tight so your siblings - curse them for not being willing to step up - can't come back on you later. Don't be surprised if they show up after your dad dies wanting "their fair share".

This is a really difficult situation for you & if you must walk away, then know that the State may eventually step in & appoint someone as your dad's guardian. While there are many people who do a good, honest job as guardian; there are those who don't & end up "ripping your dad off" legally.

Perhaps you can find an Elder Law attorney who knows how to deal with your dad & bring him around to where he understands what's at stake - where he's concerned.

I'm glad I'm not in your shoes.

So sorry.

No you are not obligated to care for dad.

Yes, he needs to assign a POA! Does he have an attorney that would explain to him what could happen without one?

Guardianship is expensive and would be dad's expense.

What could happen if dad has any sort of medical emergency and is incapacitated? Someone would have to obtain emergency guardianship, often times the facility or the state, and at a cost to him. Does he really want an unknown person or entity making his decisions for him? I would think not. Heck he could have a stroke tomorrow.

When you speak with your father about him assigning you Power of Attorney, don’t base it on the idea that he has dementia and at some point he will no longer have the capacity to make his own decisions. That’s a very difficult thing for the person who’s been diagnosed with it to accept. He does, however, need to accept that he is getting older and because of the way the world is now, and things are changing so fast and so much, you’d like to help him navigate through all this stuff. Emphasize that you will “help” him, not “take over”. Although, POA does not go into effect until Dad is unable to make his own decisions, you don’t need to dwell on that, either.

Beyond getting POA, begin speaking with Dad about having you added to his accounts so you can assist if and when he needs your help. Again, “Dad, things are so crazy now with all this, maybe at some point I can help you if you need it, but I need to be on your accounts because you know how banks are. They won’t talk to me unless my name is on your accounts.” You’re helping him, not taking over.

When my mother suffered from dementia, I was so very glad she’d had the wherewithal to not only put me on her accounts, but previously had kept exhaustive records of all her expenses and beyond. It made it so much easier.

No, you are not “obligated to care for him” especially because you are not in good health. Even though they are uninvolved, you need to speak with your siblings so you aren’t accused of going behind their backs. Don’t let anyone convince you you must care for him. Simply say “I can’t”. They must be aware of your challenges. Ask for their help finding a facility for him when it becomes necessary, it if they are uncooperative, call your local Area Agency on Aging for a referral to an attorney who can help guide you for a reduced fee.