My dads nearly 80 and I've been caring for him for nearly 16months following a serous stroke..The problem is he's lost his driving licence and in his past life hasn't been the nicest man in the world in fact he's been a terrible man..The problem is the past is coming back to haunt him now, he just wants to die and escape the memories of all the bad things he's done, I suppose he sees no future and only his selfish past and continues about how he feels so bad... he's choking feeling frightened and believes he's going to die every night...I know this is all inside his head and he's creating his own problems but he's literally driving me crazy with his continuous ravings..any advice would be truly very much appreciated before he sends me mad..and I'm shipped off with the men in white jackets. ...Michael
Michael
Guilt unfortunately seems to hold a powerful grip on people. You have to replace it with memories of his positive actions, but I think it might be hard to break through that.
However, what you could do is spend some time thinking of the positive aspects of his life. Then when he mentions something he's done that wasn't very nice, turn the conversation to words to the effect " but remember when you....(something to make him feel better)".
You could also take a much stronger stand and tell him that you don't want to hear about these prior bad acts, that he did them, accept that and move and try to compensate by doing good works. Maybe you could find some way he can do that raise his self esteem.
Would you be willing to drive him to deliver meals on wheels to homebound people? To a food distribution center to pack food for people in need? He has to "get outside of himself" in order to find value in his remaining life.
Good luck; this isn't an easy task.
Angel