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She’s his surrogate and what she says goes as far as home is concerned.

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Grammi55, do you mean you are estranged from Mom, or from Dad (or both)? How much have you seen Dad in the last 8 years?

If Mom has Medical POA (Healthcare proxy, Surrogate), then she controls medical decisions, like would it be good for my husband to see his daughter.

Perhaps you can negotiate through the NH social worker. Tell them that you are willing to see Dad in a community space, and with supervision, for a specified length of time. You will leave immediately if Dad gets upset about the visit. They can talk this over with Mom (since she isn't talking to you.)
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